ok, so i am bisexual and ive been in a monogamous relationship for about 2 years now. only because my boyfriend doesnt agree with open love. but its really starting to affect me. see there is a girl i met when i lived in georgia when i was 17. we really had a thing for each other and it was really strong but one day i had to move to texas unexpectedly never getting to say goodbye. well we still have very strong feelings for each other. so now im in this relationship with this guy we have a son who is amazing and i do love him but he doesnt give me everything i need he doesnt please me sexually. ive only had one big O with him and now its getting to the point where i dnt care to even try to have sex because i know i'll be disappointed. all i can think about is maybe i should try hooking up with a chic or getting a girlfriend but i dnt want to cheat on my monogamous boyfriend. and i cant talk to him about this stuff so i dont know what to do. i want to explore without breaking up but i dont see how that possible. its like his mind cant be opened. he even tells me that he doesnt fantasize about other women, i thought all people fantasized about other people. i really need help, i just dont know what to do. and sometimes i think that maybe im missing out on something great just by being with one person.

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Some of us are born poly and bi. I've found I can force myself to be monogamous for the sake of the man for about two years before I can't take it any more. If you've lost interest in sex with your primary, that's a big red flag that your relationship's in trouble. Have you let him know it's serious enough to consider a counselor? If you consider getting one, be sure to find a poly and gay friendly professional before you bring up the subject with your guy. The last thing you need is paying a closed minded psychologist incapable of grasping your situation. I saw a jerk once, who, when I told him I wanted an open relationship, instantly decided I was a hysterical personality.

It's going down hill any way you slice it.  Either you'll stay together and you'll stay quiet about your needs and you'll burst open at times in private and find a partner and keep it to yourself, or worse, he'll find out, or you'll split up in a messy way b/c you never were able to talk about it.  Regardless of what he says or does with his emotions, you have needs and you should be able to discuss them openly, and you should be open to hear his response.  If you can't do it just the two of you, find a therapist, either a couples therapist or a sex therapist.  It can take time to convince him to join you in therapy, and you'll have to tell him why at some level, which means starting the conversation, but honesty is your best chance.  In the meantime, read Jenny Block's "Open", as she has similar challenges, and if you can get him to read it, all the better!  It's short, and comforting.  Best of luck.




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