Discussions about ethical non-monogamy and relationships.

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Non-theist non-monogamists unite!

2010-5-06 - This section will be updated from time-to-time. Please check back. We'll italicize new information and updated info. for a bit.

Does a double negative make a positive?

Greetings and welcome to the Atheist Nexus polyamory group. This group is for those who are ethically non-monogamous, or who are considering ethical non-monogamy.

Since this group is new and evolving, your input, advice, constructive criticism, monetary donations to support Atheist Nexus (Button pushers, press the Big Green Button to the right of this screen!), etc... are highly appreciated.

Why yet another group for polyamorous people?

I'm glad you asked! The internet is positively hoachin' with poly groups. I (Kit Ann Kaboodle) have been a member of quite a few online groups for polyamorous people over the years, including an email list for non-monogamous people to meet-and-greet in the flesh. I have at times found myself being talked around, or ignored for being an atheist.

After hearing a couple of other people say that they felt marginalized in polyamorous/ethically non-monogamous groups where religious and/or "spiritual, but not religious" people were in the majority, I thought that Atheist Nexus would be a good place for us.

Feel free to invite your friends/acquaintances/other likely potential members.

Moderators: Kit Ann Kaboodle and Pockets.


New polyamorous website, has a wiki for local groups, and other cool features.

Probably the largest social networking site online for polyamorous people.

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Discussion Forum

Unitarian Universalists add "family and relationship structures" to nondiscrimination grounds

Started by Grinning Cat. Last reply by Joan Denoo Sep 9, 2014. 4 Replies

I was glad to learn that at this summer's General Assembly, the Unitarian Universalist Association expanded its…Continue

Tags: family structure, nonmonogamy, relationship structure, discrimination, nondiscrimination

Fixing my broken sexuality

Started by Ashleigh Carter. Last reply by Darrel Ray Jan 29, 2014. 6 Replies

So I've been an atheist for about six years now and it's only in the few weeks or so that I've come to realize how badly Christianity screwed me up in the relationship department. My husband was very…Continue

What to do with whats in my head???

Started by Dawanna Johnson. Last reply by David Harris Feb 3, 2013. 3 Replies

ok, so i am bisexual and ive been in a monogamous relationship for about 2 years now. only because my boyfriend doesnt agree with open love. but its really starting to affect me. see there is a girl…Continue

Tags: missing, more, love, bisexual, unpleased

Mono-minded researchers strike again

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Steph S. Jul 18, 2012. 4 Replies

A discussion in Atheist Singles lauds monogamy over…Continue

Valentine's Day

Started by ɟǝןıx dǝʇɹɐɹ. Last reply by Catie S. Apr 12, 2012. 2 Replies

Valentine Day is closer. My situation is that my wives stay in separate homes and I have to buy everything double. I was buying the other day two pairs of heart shaped plates and two pairs of heart…Continue

Unicorn hunters, double standards, and sex ratio.

Started by Prog Rock Girl. Last reply by Prog Rock Girl Mar 14, 2012. 13 Replies

A little bit nervous that I'll get flamed for this, but it's been on my mind for awhile.I've been approached too many times by male/female couples looking for an "extra" girl and it's causing me to…Continue

Have you had, or do you have an ideal relationship configuration?

Started by Kit Ann Kaboodle. Last reply by Will Faithless Sophia Feb 19, 2012. 25 Replies

When the cohabi-tater and I got together, we talked about ideal scenarios. Both of us agreed that living in a large house with enough land for gardens and an orchard with other poly people (possibly…Continue

Tags: relationship configurations, or not

Spiritual Poly vs Secular Poly

Started by Pockets. Last reply by Prog Rock Girl Dec 23, 2011. 6 Replies

In the "what does poly mean to you" thread there was a budding side discussion that I thought merited it's own thread. The discussion was on a Polyweekly show where she had a christian who made the…Continue

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Polyamory to add comments!

Comment by Derek ~William Haughton on March 18, 2014 at 1:53pm

I found the 'swinging' scene wasn't really for me. I could tell that with most of the people involved there was a lot going on in their lives that was being denied. I'm not saying this was universal just that a great many  were not sincere, one or other in the couples we met were going along with it for motives other than pleasure and open friendship. Trophy hunting and revenge were present to a degree at most parties but two incidents really finished it for me.

My partner was in another room when the only female I fancied at the party said to another woman (I'm even weirder than you might have thought, her accent attracted me most) 'I don't do much any more but it's the best way of hanging on to your man.' 

Soon after a couple we'd just met insisted that condoms weren't necessary. We didn't have their confidence. Later I realised that I needed something more than a couple of hours of pleasure I had a need to know and like my partners. I have a need to know part of being a voyeur I suppose.

As to polyamory this was probably more what I was looking for, as a youngster I'd felt myself monstrous in my ability to love more than one girl at a time. A later partner accused me of flirting with every woman I met but to me I was merely enjoying being with the women I enjoyed and being polite to those I didn't! 

Comment by tom sarbeck on March 3, 2014 at 12:09am agreed “non-monogamous” relationship if couples no longer feel sexually attracted to each other.

The couple who mentored my wife and me into a spouse-swapping group told us we would go home from parties more turned on than ever.

They were right!

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on February 23, 2014 at 1:28pm

That makes sense to me, Grinning Cat.

Comment by Grinning Cat on February 22, 2014 at 5:36pm

A sensational headline in The Telegraph for a valid point: "Why adultery could aid a happy marriage"

Living separately or allowing your partner to sleep with other people could be the key to a successful marriage, psychologists have claimed. [...]

Eli Finkel, of the department of psychology at Northwestern University in Illinois, advises embarking upon an agreed “non-monogamous” relationship if couples no longer feel sexually attracted to each other. [...]

“It may be that [...] you haven’t had sex more than twice a year for the last five years and neither of you thinks that’s adequate. [...] I don’t recommend cheating, but an openly consensual non-monogamous relationship, that may very well be functional.

In a paper entitled Suffocation of Marriage, Prof Finkel argues that problems have arisen because marriage is no longer about meeting basic survival needs. [...]

“We are looking less and less to our marriage to fulfil our basic psychological needs but more and more to our marriage to fulfil these higher needs like self-expression and self-actualisation. [...]”

Prof Finkel presented his research at the annual conference of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Chicago.

(emphasis added)

Comment by Darrel Ray on January 29, 2014 at 9:08pm

I was on The Thinking Atheist last night. We really got into things like how to talk to your children about sex and the bogus notion of sex or porn addiction. If you or someone you know, believes in sex addiction, listen here. It is only a figment of the Christian imagination and their sex crazed guilt. I think much of this discussion may be of interest to Poly people.

Comment by Darrel Ray on December 13, 2013 at 7:50pm

Dear non monogamous friends, As you know I have written on the subject many times, but I recently learned of a new documentary in the making I think we can all get behind. I have donated to this fund raiser. I hope you will consider supporting it as well. I think the film maker is asking some critical questions.

Comment by Kit Ann Kaboodle on October 17, 2013 at 3:45pm

I noticed that my co-moderator hasn't checked-in for over a year.  Is anyone interested in being a moderator/administrator?  I think it's been longer than a year since I checked-in.

Comment by Grinning Cat on September 5, 2013 at 4:07am

Also worth reading: "The Geek Social Fallacies of Polyamory", which points out, among many other things, a truth that bears repeating:

"... there is no single relationship model that works for everyone.... There are ... people who are monogamous because monogamy is the most natural fit for them, not because they're knuckle-dragging Neanderthals who are merely accepting cultural defaults because they have not yet received the blessings of polyamorous Enlightenment."

I'll add: the idea that "Polyamory is 'more evolved'" (or, "poly people are magically more skilled / knowledgeable / emotionally mature") is not the same as "We'll all be better off when the Mainstream Culture widely recognizes polyamory as a valid (and morally neutral) orientation and relationship style."

Lots of people are hurt by a culture that has it exactly backwards, winking at cheating yet driving responsible nonmonogamy, such as swinging and polyamory, into the closet.

Comment by Grinning Cat on September 5, 2013 at 3:38am

Thanks for pointing us to "More than Two", Ruth!

I've only browsed a few articles there, and particularly recommend the one on "game changers" in relationships and in life in general, and the one on how psychology, game theory, and the Prisoner's Dilemma apply to "how to quit worrying and love your partner's other partners".

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on December 25, 2012 at 11:29pm

You might like the More Than Two site. Lots of practical stuff.


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