Recovering from Religion


Recovering from Religion

Unless you were raised by atheist parents, you probably had some recovering to do when you left religion. The purpose of RR is to provide a landing place for people when they jump from religion. With local support groups throughout the US, Canada, UK, and Australia, and real-time resources accessible to everyone, RR is where to turn when faith has lost its luster.

Location: International
Members: 541
Latest Activity: Dec 3, 2016

Discussion Forum

In what way are you still recovering from being brought up religious?

Started by Steph S.. Last reply by Richard C Brown Aug 30, 2014. 57 Replies

I was brought up in a fundamentalist family.Anyone still dealing with any issues from religion?Do you fear the result of coming out Atheist to your family?Any thoughts are welcome.Continue

Catholic Family / Atheist Wedding - HELP

Started by Megan. Last reply by tom sarbeck May 31, 2014. 4 Replies

Any one else out there still recovering from Catholic guilt??I come from an extremely Catholic family/upbringing. In 6 days I will be the first person in my entire extended family not to marry a Catholic in a Catholic Church.My biggest source of…Continue

Anyone still deal with anything like this?

Started by Starland Seay. Last reply by Matt Skaggs Aug 26, 2013. 27 Replies

One thing I have noticed is a tendency to "doubt" my new path in life. I still want to reach for the Bible sometimes. I still hesitate somewhat when someone mentions Pascal's "Wager"...LOL! Even though I know that science teaches this and that no…Continue

"Thief in the Night"

Started by cbenhamcox. Last reply by Luara Aug 18, 2013. 2 Replies

Last night I was reading Seth Andrew's book, Deconverted, and I almost fell out of my chair when he discussed being forced to watch the end times film from the 1970's call "A Thief in the Night."  He described some of the scenes, and I had a…Continue

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Comment by Richard C Brown on May 31, 2013 at 5:38am

At 72 I realize the reason for being taught not to discuss religion and politics.A pentecostal grandmother that could whip up a case of domestic violence .

Comment by Katie Graham on May 7, 2013 at 4:36pm
Comment by Joan Denoo on February 25, 2013 at 12:39pm

James, having worked my entire professional life with treatment of abusers and abused, I have experienced the same things as you. Women are also abusers, and when they are serious they use guns and knives; an assault by a women often is more fatal that the bruises inflected by strong armed, controlling men. It doesn't matter whether it is man or woman or child who resorts to violence, it is usually their first choice of response. Training in problem solving and conflict resolution develops skills that come in handy at work as wel as at home. 

I was known as the divorce counselor, not the marriage counselor, because once violence between two individual occurs over time, repeatedly, it is hard to extinguish the furry that flashes between them. It is easier to isolate and insulate each one from the other and build healthy relationships. Healthy relationships grow with knowledge and awareness of their history and their preferred futures. 

Remember your history + remember your preferred future = better, healthier relationships in the here and now. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 25, 2013 at 12:32pm

Meddlesome, No, I don't have a published paper and when I go back and read my dissertation, it is so poorly written I don't want it out in the public domain. In fact, my dissertation "A Splendid Heresy," was denied with the claim that I was biased in my research. Which, in fact, I was. I wrote about the role of religion in maintaining and perpetuating domestic violence. 

My master's thesis: "Toward a theory of domestic violence, its antecedents  treatment and prevention" is no long available in master's indexes. It, too, was poorly written, and I work on both ideas developing better documentation and rationale. 

I have been writing on Atheist Nexus and Facebook different aspects that I covered in my research. With some very kind and wise advisors on these sites, my writing is getting better, the research better cited, and challenges to my conclusions causing me to rethink; sometimes I change my position and sometimes reaffirm what I have previously written. 

Thank you for your comment. 

Comment by James M. Martin on February 25, 2013 at 7:50am

As an attorney I have represented both abused and abusers and I can tell you that some women almost seem masochists in their readiness to sign non-prosecution affidavits putting an end to criminal prosecutions, and the cases are dismissed.  I am not sure about the professions Joan lists, or the order they are listed.  When I see them, these are working people and even, in one instance a man in his late 70s accused of beating up his younger wife, who applied for a protective order, using the time with him away to move most of the valuables in the house, taking up with one of her married daughters.  The most extreme case was a divorced couple who "reconciled" long enough to get drunk, to the effect that he claimed she came after him with a butcher knife and to protect himself, he reached under the sofa and produced a .45 and shot her in the head.

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 24, 2013 at 11:33pm

James M. Martin, moral inconsistencies and delusions serve no one. Ignorance yields one no freedom. The numbers of people joining AN grows and that gives me hope. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 24, 2013 at 11:30pm

Richard Goscicki, I know that one is not supposed to talk about religion and politics in polite society; however, in most things human, silence solves nothing. We need to grasp problems by the throat and gnaw on them to the bone and identify causes of conflicts, set some goals, make some decisions, and take some action. I know of no other way to change injustice, ignorance, domination, and criminal assaults. 

The strange thing is, by refusing to be silent, submissive, subordinate and dependent, by seeking possible better ways to live, and by taking positive action, even in the face of criticism and ridicule, I am now very happy. I have no fears, people don't impose on me, and I can love profoundly and play energetically. 

Days grow longer, we still have snow that doesn't melt in the day, and the temperatures are cold with wind. My little seedlings turn to the sun in anticipation of going into the garden after June 1. This winter has been strange, with some warm periods ... I hope there is no late frost ... oh well, I won't plant everything outside at once. Life is good. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 24, 2013 at 11:18pm

James M. Martin, you wrote, "they don't need wife beatings in Christianity: all women are relegated to the status of Stepford Wives, and they are brainwashed into enjoying it."

As a granddaughter, daughter and myself being battered by our husbands, I found the church was the worst place to go for relief. I think you have read my "Passive Gospel" story in which all three of us were told to be passive, dependent, subordinate and rejoice in our experience because we lived our lives in imitation of the crucified christ.

During my research at the doctoral level, I did a study on occupations of abusers. I gathered data from hospitals, emergency rooms, police records, interviews of medical and legal professionals as well as literature reviews. I found for every 100,000 population the incident rate of abusers by occupation. The five highest occupations correlated with abuse were:

1. ministers

2. doctors

3. lawyers

4. police officers

5. truck drivers

The lowest incident rate was symphony orchestra conductors.  It seems they value building cooperation in their personal and professional lives.

Those with high incident rates value control, make reference to higher authority, and being able and willing to use instrumental behavior (the ends justify the means) to gain control.  

Keep in mind, correlation does not mean cause; this was a preliminary study to identify where my study would focus. 

After I escaped, which both Mom and Grandma resisted, and after I completed my formal training, I became a colleges teacher and a counselor. My private clients were mostly wives of ministers, doctors, lawyers, of a judge, and of policemen. 

Comment by Rich Goss on February 24, 2013 at 2:50pm

Joan, what an amazing coincidence.  I’m writing a play about pot where I made the same point about small talk.  It’s as if people have been conditioned not to wonder about existence and they have to pass time by talking about the weather, shopping and celebrities.


Carl Sagan blames the phenomenon on St. Augustine of Hippo.  People ‘til this day are reluctant to talk about religion and/or politics.  It’s a tribute to the power and influence of the churches. 



Comment by Joan Denoo on February 24, 2013 at 2:29pm
We have a lovely cafe in Spokane serving delicious food in a French setting, all freshly prepared and locally grown, if possible. I often go there for lunch on my way to the grocery store (never go grocery shopping when hungry). Many wealthy/idle women lunch there and some have very, very loud voices. One day two women talked about many trivial things. When leaving, I walked over to their table, sat down and spoke very quietly, wanting to cause them to pay attention to my words. I told them their conversation was so boring, if I had been with them, I would go home and commit suicide. I quietly left them, went shopping for the most delicious food I could remember having eaten there, and that evening prepared a gourmet meal. I learn a lot about cooking at that restaurant.

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