I want to know your perspective of the situation and what would you have done in situation like this.
I am in situation at 42 of being sandwitched, alomst crushed between two women. One I love who is almost an athiest(married to another person, having two children) and woman I was married to who is not an athiest(in our society love marriage is considered as social crime and its our parents who decides who is going to marry whome). We have three offsprings too.
We all three share the same work place headed by me. Both of them considers my sexual relationship exist with other, actualy I haven't with either of the two(infact my sexual ambitions aren't that demanding as they use to be). Both are aggressive to each other and somewhat towards me. sometimes situation is enjoyable and some times it becomes tense. I am responsible to both of them thus parting with either of them is out of question.
Talking isn't our culture. It will only add up into problem. As for as honesty is concerned my wife is well and truly in knowledge of everything. There is another aspect of this relationship you people are ignoring i.e, working relationship. We all work in an institution I own. I am in charge of financial well being of both.

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Replies to This Discussion

oh boy. . . between a rock and a hard place. . .

My wife and I have an open relationship just to let you know where I am coming from on this. . .

TALK!! Talk to the women you are married to and your other women. From reading your post I think you were saying that they both know about each other, so talk to them. You also have the moral issue of does the other husband know. Also from your post it sounds like you are not from a western country because you talk about arranged marriages. I don't know what country you are in, but is there laws in your country that could also affect you, or the other women you are seeing.

If you are in an arranged marriage I feel for you, but you need to do what is right for all parties involved. If that means not seeing the other women because if you both are caught she could be in legal trouble, then you better stop now!! If all parties involved are ok with the situation and are just having other issues then all sit down and talk about it.

Talking and honesty is the best way through these issues. Come up with a situation that everyone is ok with. If you don't talk about it with all involved you will never fix the issue.

Cheating is never good. If you and your wife agree to have an open relationship and both of you can see other people then the problem with be much better. But remember, being open means she can see someone else too!! It can't be just one sided, it has to be equal for your wife too!

So I sugguest start talking. Start with your wife first and then bring the other people that are involved with the situation into the discussion.
Utterly agreed on the one word Daryl used - TALK!

It seems as though complete, open communication is taken as an option in a relationship, when, at least from where I sit, it is a sine qua non. People either think that it isn't necessary or worse, they assume they know what the other is thinking, and when the truth is revealed, it all hits the fan at once.

A committed relationship of any sort should include a commitment to communication, as well as honesty, respect and trust. I learned this from my time in the BDSM scene, where such is not an option but absolutely MANDATORY, at least if any kind of success or stability is to be hoped for. Starting from scratch will be tough; there's no getting around it, especially if communication to this point has only been superficial. It may also lead to the end of the relationship, but then, if you can't communicate honestly with a life-partner, then how healthy was that relationship to start with?

Your mileage may vary ... but this to me is the bare minimum of what the foundation of a relationship is.
You guays will get me killed at someone's hands. Its not America, you don't know how people react at this and how many people make it battle of their honor. consider three tribes
I hear you, and I won't pretend to know how it is ... but that doesn't change the dynamic of communication or what happens when it isn't in place. Leaving it alone or pretending that the problem will go away only allows the problem to mutate and fester. Eventually, it's going to bite SOMEONE on the ass, and so much the worse if this is a "natural" part of the culture you're stuck with.

Sad fact is, too ... it's not so much "their honor" they're fighting about as it is THEIR EGO ... never mind the rights they presume upon themselves. I'll grant you that you can't make big moves here without possibly bringing harm to yourself ... but ask yourself: can I really just TOLERATE things as they are, or is there some small measure I can take to CHANGE things for the better?
If this is the culture that you live in then the safety of your family and the other women's must come first!!! So, for some feelings you are risking at least the other women's life. If her husband finds out, your family is at risk.

You have no right to risk others lives for your own desires. My suggestion is to end this situation NOW!! Your feelings are not more important then the lives of your family and the other women.

Talk to your wife and then the other women and end this second relationship. End it now.
I wonder if moving to another country is something to consider?

It is brave of you to write about it. Some of us are very lucky that we can openly talk about more things, but the downside is that sometimes there is judgment of someone who ends up in an unfaithful monogamy situation.
Although I'm an atheist by birth, I feel NOT stressing the family unit is primordial. If we want to play around all our lives and live selfishly (which is perfectly ok) we should NOT procreate. Children do better with stability. And although many people break up families under the pretense that "separate and not fighting" is better than "together and fighting", but I believe that if we're as intelligent as we say we are, we should be able to compromise and deal with the disagreements and work hard on keeping fighting to a minimum. People who are not willing to compromise for another human being (marriage) should not procreate.

My suggestion, as a non procreator, is to HONOUR your family FIRST until your children have moved on. THEN go on with all the wild meanderings your heart may desire.
And the heart will be dead till than. And one more thing, here people are not so free. Once lose the contact, you meet in the street after five years like total strangers. Go home and laugh or cry at the love lost. Life is.....



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