I am on probation for a possession charge (marijuana and mushrooms) from 2005 (I found out the hard way that in TX that possession of over 4 grams of mushrooms is a felony, and I had 5 grams). I got ten years felony deferred (it's long because I got deferred, which I needed so that I didn't lose my financial aid...because I am putting myself through college).
All that being said, I screwed up a year into it, and got a couple dirty UA's. I know it was stupid, but I can't change that now. Anyways, a couple of months ago I was going through a lot of shit with finding out that my girlfriend who had been living with me had been sleeping with a long time friend of mine on the weekends when she was supposed to be seeing her son....needless to say I went through a lot of emotional shit because I really cared about the girl, etc., etc....Anyways, I made the mistake of drinking some beer a little too close to a probation meeting, and they UA'd me...and it came back from the lab showing that I had drank alcohol in the last few days (I discovered that they have new tests that can detect if you've drank alcohol for like 80 hours, when it used to be just around 24 hours). So, they considered that a failed drug test, and now they are making me go to this chemical dependency treatment program thing where I have to go to these 3 hr classes 2+ nights a week, which also cuts into the hours I can work, etc, etc, etc.
Anyways....I had my screening with the counselor with that program today and he tells me that I have to start going to at least 2 AA or NA meetings a week now (I have been doing 1 a week for the last couple years as a requirement of my probation), and I have to get a sponsor, work on their retarded 12 steps, and all that bullshit.
Here lies my problem, the source of what I perceive to be my agony for the next few months until I complete this program....AA and NA is all based on accepting God. The main part of their 12 steps is admitting that you are powerless over said substances, and that the only way that you can beat your problem is to accept that only God can help you....that's not exactly word-for-word, but that's it in a nutshell. And all that God shit drives me crazy. My skin is practically crawling and I want to scream when we all have to stand in a circle at the end of one of these meetings and say the lords prayer. Now it's gonna be God x 10! And I'm worried that they're going to report to my probation officer that I'm not cooperating if I don't start acting like I believe in God, which I CANNOT DO!!!
I mean it seems like this should be illegal, for them to put me in a program where I have to accept their god to pass! I used to like to smoke pot from time to time, I don't have a drug problem...I've had no problem not smoking a joint for the last couple of years....I've rarely even drank...I'm not an alcoholic, I made a mistake and drank that one time and now I'm fucked for it! I'm a psychology major, who never even went to high school, got myself in a good university on my own, doing good in my classes, and I get treated like this...it's not fair!
What can I do?