One mother's story:

Probably lots of women feel like this, but they feel compelled to sugarcoat it.

Being that I have a partner who wanted children (he finally told me it's my decision if I want to get fixed) I am glad I didn't give in. I probably would have felt this way.

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Women should trust their feelings about this - if they don't desire children - then don't reproduce.

You are so right. I bet if all women could/would abide by that, we would have a much smaller population.

Great article. Have the utmost respect for her. She didnt feel much for her children, but cared for them much better than many mothers i know nowadays.

Adrienne Rich wrote semi-honestly about the anger and hostility of mothers to their children, in her book "Of Woman Born".  She avoided describing the more violent and disturbing aspects. 

She was a very gifted woman, and it's not surprising that she would resent the mindless aspect of being a mother. 

This is difficult for me, because my mother was one of those unwilling mothers. 

She got married when she was about 20, to get away from her family.  But she felt trapped with my father, who considered his family to be his personal "cult", with him as cult leader of course. 

And she identified me, her first-born, with her entrapment into motherhood.  She was extremely vicious in her anger at me. 

A great article, and I'm really glad to find an honest story that matches my own feelings. The one difference is that I chose differently. I was the most unwanted child of my mother, and I decided when very young that I wouldn't have children. Now at sixty I still feel I've made a good choice. And because I wasn't hampered by children, I could be there for people and for the cats I took from the animal shelter. Even with my cats I kept to the rule that it's better to take care of the living who need some help - the human and feline population is big enough.


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