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How old were you when you decided childfree was your default?

I was about five when I decided I'd rather raise kittens than children. Before that, I can't remember thinking anything concrete about bearing children. I know I was given dolls to play with, but there came a certain point when I was disappointed with dolls, and definitely wanted books instead.

At about nine, when a relative by marriage commented on how I'd make someone a good wife someday(because I'd baked gingerbread from a box mix), I retorted that I never wanted to get married. Their reaction was as if I'd suddenly sprouted horns, a forked tail, and my breath took on the distinct aroma of brimstone.

How about you?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on October 3, 2011 at 6:30pm

Shit! what a story! I was 35 when I basically accused the medical establishment of murdering my unborns. I was pretty fed up with the medical establishment seeing women as mandatory breeders.

I think it's so important that we help other women to find these solutions, they're so hard to come by.

Thanks!

Permalink Reply by Diana Bett on October 3, 2011 at 10:17am

Wow, that's a hard question to answer (the original post-- haven't read replies yet). I don't think I ever really wanted kids, but I'm having a hard time coming up with a childhood memory where I either said yea or nay on the subject. Which may say enough right there-- as a child, I never played 'house' or anything like that. My friends and I, when we'd play make-believe, were always fantastic things-- whether we'd been reading Xanth or Star Wars (my best friend loved the Young Jedi Knights series) or whatever, we played at being magical heroes, or something like that. We never played at being mothers or having families. Why would we? That would be boring. It took a while before I realized that other girls liked those baby dolls I saw on TV. (I liked Barbie well enough, for a while, because she had a fun wardrobe that I still want. Baby dolls? Can't ever recall playing with one.)

As for when I realized it was my default? I don't know. I started saying I never wanted kids at about age 16, I think, but the 'oh, you'll change your mind' attitude I always got from people... perhaps it was simple politeness that made me agree that I might. It was maybe a year ago, perhaps a bit longer, that I realized I probably wasn't going to.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on October 3, 2011 at 6:37pm

Comes a moment when we need to be honest with ourselves, and others. Though I always knew I didn't want to procreate, I too used to humour people about "maybe", but then again, I think I was fooling myself a little as well in doing so... I came to think... well maybe if I met the perfect man... but then I acknowledged that "meeting the perfect man" was no reason to procreate! I'd always wanted sterilisation, so I finally got it at age 30, that really sealed the deal...

In many ways it was just like taking the Blasphemy Challenge that happened a couple of years ago... a way of putting your actions where your mouth is :)

Permalink Reply by Maruli Marulaki on October 3, 2011 at 7:29pm

During the time before an abortion that was hard to find, as it was still illegal. I lived through several weeks of the nightmare, I felt as if cancer was growing in my belly. It was the worst time I ever had in my life. But it was a very clear choice. Even if I would have been caught and sent to jail, a few years of jail are still better than the slavery of raising a child.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on October 3, 2011 at 8:21pm

I feel you. I was abroad when I found out about my first pregnancy. I spent a month punching myself every night before bed and the next month stepping in front of cars hoping to get hit when I returned home and it looked like I wouldn't be able to find a practitioner to perform the abortion :(

Permalink Reply by Diana Bett on October 4, 2011 at 10:31am

*hugs both of you*

I have never even had a pregnancy scare-- one of my friends had two or three in high school, and several since, where she was two or three weeks late on her period, and I couldn't (and still can't) imagine what that would be like. I think I've been a few days late, tops, and since I know I don't want to get pregnant, I tend not to take risks sexually that would lead me to worrying. But if it happened, I know I would want an abortion... and I can't imagine the horror of not having that option. I wouldn't even know where to start to get it done illegally.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on October 4, 2011 at 11:37pm

Hug you back :)

Permalink Reply by Peggy Henderson on October 4, 2011 at 11:36am

You don't have to get an illegal abortion. You can get one relatively inexpensively and safely in Mexico City. As of 24 April 2007, Unless something has changed that I don't know about. Within first 12 weeks of pregnancy.

Still wonder why people who know they don't want children do not elect sterilization?

Permalink Reply by Peggy Henderson on October 4, 2011 at 11:41am

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_in_Mexico Just found this.

Permalink Reply by dr kellie on October 4, 2011 at 12:50pm

I recall, in the case of TNT, that she couldn't find a doctor who was willing to sterilize her because she was young.

Permalink Reply by Peggy Henderson on October 4, 2011 at 12:58pm

I had the same problem. Persistence is the answer. I can see how money could be an issue, but when you add up the avoided costs: contraceptives, pregnancy avoidance just to name a few . .the price starts to sound NOT so unafordable.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on October 4, 2011 at 11:42pm

At least money's not an issue in Canada, as our health care is universal (note how I don't say free :)

In the end, it's all about politics. grumble. I just voted again yesterday, advanced voting. So I can bow out of reading all the shit promises politicians will spend their time wooing the masses with over the next several weeks... grumble.

Ok, done with my rant :)