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I, like many others, grew up in a religious home. My family was catholic and I was even did my confirmation in Catholicism. I went to a catholic school for 10 years and am more than fluent in biblical verses.
My story comes from a long part in my life where I honestly tried to find "god". It started when I was taking my confirmation classes in st. Anthony's church in Passaic. The first thing, the big thing, that caused me to lose my faith were the people. I was there with drug users, gang members and people who ranked themselves as to whom was more religious and these were the people who, as new commers to these courses, should look up to. These were people who had no problem, telling you what was wrong with you and how this thing was what You need to change and for some reason I followed. Somewhere there I began to hate it. The constant criticizing, being told how "you're not working hard enough to be a good catholic"; things were drilled to make you feel inferior. Towards the end of the 2 years worth of classes, I realized this is not what I want to be. I lost a big chunk of faith. I tried finding a priest, but asking questions simply ended up with answers like "pray" or "questioning your faith is against god; and you don't want to be against god".
Eventually I tried other churches, Pentecost, Lutheran and even Mormon. But nothing clicked. Eventually i didn't feel I needed a religion and eventually I didn't believe in anything. I just gave up my faith.
I finally came out to my family whom are strict Catholics and obviously it wasn't good. My mother doesn't speak to me although my father didn't care. My sister agreed with my mother, I don't get to see my nephews as often as i would like.
And that's my story.
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