A lifelong curious searcher and skeptic, raised in the Christian faith, but been an active doubter. Several years ago I came to the realization that I could no longer maintain any belief in god and have now become an advocate for atheism.
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Welcome, David, to Atheist Nexus. Your story sounds very familiar and we seem to gain strength from knowing that others can "no longer maintain any belief in god."
There are lots of firsts when giving up belief in god and trusting in faith to get us through life's challenges. We claim responsibility for ourselves even as we join together with others in a supportive community.