Scott VanTussenbrook
  • Male
  • Sherman Oaks, CA
  • United States

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At 3:13pm on February 28, 2009, Daniel W said…
Uh oh, you got me thinking. As I was driving around in the midwest intellectual desert where I was spawned, and where I am forced to visit now and then to avoid developing hubris....

So let's say that YOU were visited by the angel, Eroni, who guided you into the California desert. Whereupon Eroni led you to a great cactus, under the spreading arms of which you are divinely inspired to move a large stone. Under the stone, you discover a box filled with golden tablets. Eroni gives you a crystal, and as the light from the desert sun shines through the crystal, you are able to interpret the tablets into English. You return the tablets to their box under the cactus, and Eroni leads you back out of the desert - you now have no idea where your inspirational discovery now rests.

In your interpreted Book of Homon, you discover that God is dismayed at the procreation-mad Mormons, who have duly gone forth and over-overpopulated most of the inhabitable plants of the Universe. The former paradise-like planets are over-run, over-populated, decimated of resources, polluted, and reeking from the stench of the huge masses of humanity. Eden now looks like the slums of Calcutta.

You discover that god now reserves the remaining planets for those who will not overpopulate - those with Love, Divinely Sanctioned (LDS) - who maintain their genital purity by pairing only with their own sex. You are directed to found a new chuch, the church of LDS.

In order to provide their ancestors with a better life, the only solution now is to retrohomosexualize them, annul their marriages, and release them from their opposite-gender shackles.

Now you have to figure out what to do about the underwear - Magic Thongs, maybe?
At 9:16am on February 28, 2009, Daniel W said…
Hi Scott,

Actually, I thought that the converting dead Mormons to homosexuality was funny.
I found out that some of my dead ancestors were apparently converted to LDS. The rest of the family was upset, but I figure, they're dead, you can say whatever you want, but they were who they were, and 'converting' them is meaningless.
They would probably be even more upset if they were converted to Democrat posthumously.
They still havent acknowledged my own various "prehumous" "conversions".....
Hang in there, eventually California will "see the light" about their hypocritical denial of gay marriage. So will the Pacific Northwest. I have doubts about Utah, however.
At 9:58am on February 22, 2009, Daniel W said…
Hi Scott,
Checked your URL, great format! I was curious about the concept of converting dead mormons to homosexuality, though. I hope that we don't have to dig them up in order to do that - yuck. Couldn't we just convert the live ones to rationality (such an easy job! not!).

Welcome to A|N. Looking forward to your contributions.
At 8:00am on February 22, 2009, Dennismik said…
Hi Scott,

Really intersting story you have there. Must have been very unpleasent to be growing up and discovering your homosexuality while living in Salt Lake city. I once saw a movie here about a mormon and a Californian party animal who fell in love. Nice movie, forgot the title unfortunately.

Kind regards,
At 1:46pm on February 20, 2009, cj the cynic said…
Yes, I have heard about Buttars. I didn't know I had so much power either ; )
At 1:35pm on February 20, 2009, zeeman barzell said…
Why don't you start that much needed baby eating group? I really enjoy a good baby, they're delicious! Especially when their diaper is full!
At 1:01pm on February 20, 2009, Scott VanTussenbrook said…
Y'all're so sweet. :-) I'm wondering, though -- I don't see the section where it talks about eating babies -- I was really looking forward to that...
At 12:06pm on February 20, 2009, skye AKA rembrandt said…
At 11:38am on February 20, 2009, Adam Johnson said…
At 11:26am on February 20, 2009, Shlarg said…
Welcome to the Nexus from Shlarg, Chloe, and Speckles !


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