"My favorite prayer is still the Alan Shepard Prayer (or astronaut's prayer). Sitting on top of the tube full of tons of fuel getting ready to take off he said, "Dear God please don't let me f&@! up"!"
"Here are some options.
I use 2 slices of dill rye bread, buttered.
On the bottom slice, I add 2 slices of Swiss cheese. I love the swiss with tiny holes, but they don't have that here. Must be midwestern.
Then some drained…"
"How can someone who is exempt of space and time, omnipotent and omnipresent, EVER be busy? If this schmuck managed to create several quintillion cubic light-years of universe, why would one miniscule planet in all of that be so much fuss?"
"Hannibal Burress has ruined prayer for me. I can no longer think about prayer without going back to his video. "Don't pray for me. Make me a sandwich!"
I know it's been posted before...
God, may I please…"
I loved the first response I saw:
"I tracked down the person who hit your car and caused their kidneys to fail. If you want to sell them one of yours you can make a little new car money."
Also on hell,
"I will tell you…"
"Supplicant: "Dear God. I want to live to be 110 years old."
God: "My son, a million years to you is like a minute to me."
Supplicant: "Well, can you give me a billion dollars."
God: Yeah. In a minute."