I havent been on AN for a while now, Ive been dealing with life kinda keeping away from the internet and television as much as possible. I have some creative juices that have been bubbling up ready to erupt like a volcano so Ive been focusing my attention there...but meanwhile there have been some events that invovle religious family members and my health that I want to share & hopefully get some perspective about from like minds:
I'll start by saying the cat's out of the bag my family knows I am no longer a Christian but recently they decided without warning to confront me on the subject.
First I'll explain a conversation with my overbearing, proselytizing grandma---I decided to visit her and have lunch about a month ago (btw this is the first time Ive spoken/seen her in about a month due to her calling me a liar on my vmail about something she assumed I would do but never agreed to, I was upset about it so I just didnt interact with her for a few weeks).
So as Im leaving her house ater we've had a semi-comfortable lunch she begans to lecture me about being a believer the kick in the ass was when she said "Because God gave you so many talents and gifts he had to give you MS to humble you" she also switched gears on me to then tell me "Maybe you wouldve found a job by now if you'd just pray"...
Next my mom call's me about 2 wks after this happened to lecture me about god---My mom actually says to me in the conversation "I dont know what happened to you, you used to be responsible, you were brought up in the church so I dont know why you dont believe now" then she decides to bring up my disease and say "Maybe god would take away the MS if you would just ask him to"
So I know most of you reading this can understand the sickening feeling I get when thinking about the holidays...I think Ive fallen into a depression. After my mom's call I just cried for hours, I called the only atheist friend I have and made on this site but I still feel a deep sense of sadness and loneliness. I really just want my family to be tolerant and not to make me feel like my disease is still present b/c I am not affiliated with their religion/god.
On the other hand I realize they are ignorant and insensitive to say the least and so I try to look pass these comments but Idk if I can. Both of them upset me b/c they know very little about my disease & when they talk about it, it's only to blame me for having it! They never offer an ear to listen about the challenges, they never take a moment just to offer hope. I find them a little repulsive b/c I despise this type of treatment towards me or anyone for that matter. So this makes me reluctant to be in their presence.
I guess Im seeking advice or opinions. Oh by the way my mom thinks Im irresponsible b/c I didnt have enough money to pick my sister up from college (an 1hr 30mins from my college) to bring her home (2 hrs away) for the weekend...this trip wouldve cost me $120 in gas at least...Without a job at the moment I told her I couldnt afford it, that led to this conversation about money and somehow translated to me being irresponsible (please note: No one helps me financially! I make ends meet the best I can and am looking for work w/o any luck like -so far- not very different from most unemployed americans right now.)
I just feel sad that things are the way they are, that I wont be sharing the holidays with people who love me just the way I am...and even beyond the holiday season these relationships may not me mended, not easily at least.
Thanks for taking the time to read this!
*Pls excuse my errors, Im not proof-reading* :D