I origanally posted this in the group polyamory but i havent got any replys so i'll try here.
ok, so i am bisexual and ive been in a monogamous relationship for about 2 years now. only because my boyfriend doesnt agree with open love. but its really starting to affect me. see there is a girl i met when i lived in georgia when i was 17. we really had a thing for each other and it was really strong but one day i had to move to texas unexpectedly never getting to say goodbye. well we still have very strong feelings for each other. so now im in this relationship with this guy we have a son who is amazing and i do love him but he doesnt give me everything i need he doesnt please me sexually. ive only had one big O with him and now its getting to the point where i dnt care to even try to have sex because i know i'll be disappointed. all i can think about is maybe i should try hooking up with a chic or getting a girlfriend but i dnt want to cheat on my monogamous boyfriend. and i cant talk to him about this stuff so i dont know what to do. i want to explore without breaking up but i dont see how that possible. its like his mind cant be opened. he even tells me that he doesnt fantasize about other women, i thought all people fantasized about other people. i really need help, i just dont know what to do. and sometimes i think that maybe im missing out on something great just by being with one person.

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Comment by Dawanna Johnson on April 6, 2011 at 11:54pm
ok well thank you all for your advice and input. i talked to my bf about the situation and he said hes just afriad of loosing me but he said he is willing to try bringing in another person and exploring. im so happy because he's like my second bf i havent really been with many ppl. i mean ive done stuff with chics but it wasnt a relationship well that one girl was but you get what im saying, so thank you all.
Comment by Dr. Cowboy on April 5, 2011 at 8:53pm
Life's too short to waste it unneccesarily unhappy, and there's nothing waiting for you for your sacrifice at the end.  Be true to yourself and do what's right for you.  Nobody is looking out for you but you.

Oh and I call BS on the BF.  If he's got even a little testosterone then he's fantasizing about other women right now.  If he's religious, he might be feeling guilty about it though.
Comment by Lindsey S. on April 4, 2011 at 4:03am

It's going to be hard, but you need to have an honest and frank discussion with your boyfriend. The fact that you are having any of these issues is evidence that there is something about your relationship that needs fixing, and the only way to fix anything is to be open and honest with each other. Try to get a dialogue going and bring up the points you've expressed here. If you can't reconcile your differences, then perhaps it is time to move on. Sometimes relationships don't work out even if the love is there. Remaining in an unsatisfying relationship isn't fair to you, him, or your son. But if you both  are willing to discuss and compromise, then maybe it would help to see a relationship counselor. Just make sure that everyone's needs are being considered and no one's feelings are being trivialized.

Comment by FeminAtheist Mumbo Jumbo on April 3, 2011 at 9:39pm

Your situation reminds me about Greta Christina's talk at Skepticon 3 this past fall.



I would highly recommend watching that and perhaps watching it with your boyfriend. It might help open up a dialogue about your present needs and make having the conversation a little easier.


You really need to be able to talk about this kind of stuff. Whether you stick it out or move on, you will have to be able to talk to this person for the rest of your child's childhood about stuff. Some of it will be easy, but some of it is going to be major. Perhaps even more major than sex! Not to diminish how important that is.


Tonight I had the uncomfortable conversation about how I need a little more passion. I am tired of being kissed like a sibling or child with a chaste peck. He didn't even realize that he had been doing that. But after seven years of marriage things change. Priorites shift. Sex changes. Did the conversation hurt? A little. Will we be better for it? Hell yes!

Comment by Jedi Wanderer on April 3, 2011 at 5:14pm
If you are that unsatisfied sexually then you owe it to yourself to find satisfaction elsewhere. It's not like you are married, first of all. Secondly, you owe more to yourself than to anyone else, even if it is someone with whom you've had a child. You also don't owe him the rest of your life, actually you owe both of you the honest truth that he doesn't make you happy. You don't want to be with someone who isn't making you happy, and he doesn't want to be with someone who he can't make happy. In fact it's hard to even come up with reasons why you should stay together. Obviously because you have a child together, that is going to make things very difficult and is why people who aren't ready to provide a stable family environment shouldn't have kids together, but since it's done you don't have to stay together just for your son's sake. It would only be harder on him to try to figure out why mommy and daddy don't get along when the anger and resentment makes itself evident between you. If you are so sure he can't satisfy you at this point, for sure he won't be able to 10, 20, 30 years down the road. End it quickly and save both of you from any more unhappiness.

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