Adam & Eve found innocent of all crimes

In a dramatic turn of events, Adam de Eden and his wife Eve have been found not guilty of being the cause of a ‘curse on all mankind’ and bringing sin into the world by eating a piece of illicit fruit. While neither deny consuming said berry, they claimed in court that the fruit tree's owner had lied to them, and that they were unaware of how dire the consequences of their ‘crime’ would be.

The judge in the case, Lord AG. Gnostic, accepted the de Eden's story, which went as follows.

“When we were created and found ourselves in Eden, our creator, Mr Y.A. Weh, told us we could eat anything in the Garden except from the Tree of Knowledge. He informed us that if we did so, we would be dead by the end of the day. However, we had no knowledge of what a bad thing death might be. How could we? It was the first day we had ever existed, we had been provided with no information of what life was, and certainly knew nothing about the concept of death.

We found ourselves left entirely on our own in this strange garden, and then this serpent started talking to us. He told us that what Mr Weh had told us was not true (though of course, we had no idea then what truth was either) and if we did eat the fruit from the tree, we would not die. The speaking serpent sounded so reasonable, and we were so hungry, we decided to take our chances and eat the fruit anyway.

Then Mr Weh came back from wherever he had been hiding himself, saw that we had eaten some of the fruit, and he was furious. We tried to explain what had happened but he simply would not let us speak. He raged on and on about us becoming ‘as gods’ but did nothing to explain exactly what it was we had done wrong. He ended his rant by magically taking away the serpent’s legs and forcing it to eat dust, by turning me (Adam) into a farmer and making Eve have children. Finally, he evicted us from our home.

We realised the following day that Mr Weh had indeed lied to us for we were still alive. (Note, Mr de Eden is now a healthy 900-years old).

In his summation, the Judge concluded that Mr Weh had acted in a very aggressive and totally unreasonable manner. Furthermore, it was clear that he, and not the de Eden’s, was solely responsible for the creation of death and sin, and simply was simply refusing to accept any blame.

( Mr Weh is subject to another court action next week, where he is being accused of not actually existing. He is not expected to attend court personally.)

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Comment by tom sarbeck on October 31, 2015 at 9:38pm

Dave, a walking snake is suggesting that I tell your story in my Toastmasters club.

They're okay with my being an atheist and I will attribute it properly.

Any concerns?

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 28, 2015 at 9:51am

Dawkins was correct when he said: 

Comment by Loren Miller on October 28, 2015 at 9:14am

I would say that Adam & Eve should have been turned over to Child Protective Services, except that they supposedly arrived on this planet as fully-grown adults.  Regardless of that, their creator / parent utterly failed in that role by placing them in an environment which, even according to Yahweh himself, had at least two elements which were "dangerous" (by Yahweh's lights), being the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and the Tree of Everlasting Life.  He also lied to his "children" by telling them that eating from the TKGE would cause them to die, which it clearly didn't, or at least not immediately.  He also permitted the snake residence in Eden, an element whose results were utterly predictable to anyone with even a casual understanding of the situation.

At minimum, this casts Yahweh as being at least irresponsible and mendacious, and the less-than-complimentary adjectives will pile on as his history continues, as recorded in the bible.

Comment by Michael Penn on October 28, 2015 at 6:22am

It has been pointed out many times to theists that the Genesis story always did have the serpent telling the truth. They don't want that at all. Even though Adam lived to be over 900 years old they say, death started at that time. Over the years man has lived less and less in his total number of years until he arrived at his alloted time today. Therefore, Yahweh was right and "the devil" was wrong and the bad guy.

As for God planting the tree in the first place, they say "he was testing them." This is how a mythical story becomes a crock of crap!

Comment by Grinning Cat on October 28, 2015 at 1:38am

In that story, the serpent told the truth, and Yahweh didn't. Who's the real bad guy?

Comment by Michael Penn on October 27, 2015 at 10:36pm

I got it! If you have the religious read this they will almost accuse you of blasphemy. Next they start in with the Christian apologetics on what it really meant and what was really said, etc. Keep in mind that it was a setup. It had to be. God planted the tree!

Comment by kathy: ky on October 27, 2015 at 2:47pm
This is the perfect defense.
God is an asshole.
Comment by Grinning Cat on October 27, 2015 at 1:57pm

Thanks! Laughing at the Jewish and Christian mythologies is a step towards removing them from their pedestals.

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 27, 2015 at 11:21am

Each time I go back and read the stories, I become more incensed that I would fall for such twaddle in the first place, and then teach its lessons in the second. I was gullible, naive, trusting, and yearning for relief from my emotional and physical pain, I would be willing to grab any claptrap that came along. It is almost as though those who believe such superstitions have an antenna seeking out needy people.

I'm with Daniel, the Greeks, Romans, Mayans, and Aztes were more creative in their storytelling.  

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