Wednesday, 17 September, 2008 19:18:30
Nilknarf Daily Haiku
doubts assail humans
as they slowly understand
the lies of their priests..
Kinda of a bad day... shitty sleep, coughing a lot (I've been doing that since a week after I stopped smoking...) and then I got up at 07:00 and went for a short walk.
And it was short not because of my legs, but because of my head, I guess. My head was telling me that I was tired.
I try to not listen to my brain at such times, and sometimes that works... but many times, my brain just overwhelms me with reason.
"Go home and go to bed!" my brain/body said.
So I went home and didn't go to bed... I ate breakfast instead.
My BS was high again today, 185... highest that it's been since I've been off the medication.
I really don't want to go back on meds, but I will if I have to... but I don't want to have to.
And the sweating that made me think that it was the meds? I have no idea WTF is happening there, but it's back.
Bodies are so fucking complicated, I do believe that they are just as bad as heads, dammit.
Bodies and heads are much less complicated until you start adding drugs, of course.
I kept my 13:00 appointment with the SS Disability Determination shrink... weird how a guy can see me for 45 minutes (and ask a lot of fun, silly and complicated questions) and determine whether I'm depressed or not.
And finding the office was a nightmare.
First, I started off fifteen minutes early, just because. I was pretty sure that I knew where it was.
And it wasn't there, of course. So I called the office... it's wasn't on Wanamaker Road, but on Wanamaker Terrace.
And I couldn't find it on that road either, so I asked a lady who obviously worked in the area where it might be... she directed me by several stop lights that didn't exist.
I hope that she feels good about herself. The place was right across the street from where we had our conversation. O'well.
So, another call to the office. And another set of, uh, almost-right directions.
Next time I will look up the location, even if I think that I know where I'm going.
Anyway, the appointment was kinda fun, the shrink seemed to be a nice guy, and I came home and fixed a nice ham and cheese sandwich with lettuce and tomato.
Caught up with the email, kinda, and then realized that I was terribly tired.
I talked with Lana, I think that we might go to a movie tomorrow afternoon, but she's getting her hair cut, so that might not work... I will get to spend some time with her though, regardless.
So I went to bed.
Hah! Hah! I say.
What the hell made me think that I could go to sleep?
Ah, I just always wish for the best, and sometimes it fucking happens. Sometimes.
So here it is, 18:45, and I'm just as sleepy now as I was then, and will it maybe work this time? Can I maybe actually sleep?
Only one way to find out, heh.
Eh, when I was doing the picture, I found out when I bent over that my left sinus is full of snot of the rather runny nature... and it has a painful counterpart, too.
So, I pretty much know what the next few days will be like. I'm not looking forward to the pain....
And all of my investment belong to... the fucking government?
Down 25%... I'm really glad that I changed them all over to guaranteed insurance/investment thingies, they pay me the interest on the highest amount of the contract endurance.
Whatever the fuck that means.
Yeah, I'm falling behind on using one "fuck" per day, so I'm making up for it.
Not mornally a part of my vocabulary, but I'm doing the best that I can, heh.