Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about something that makes Me extremely furious – the fact that I am banned from public schools in the USA.

I take this as an insult. In fact, it is as if America has spit in My Holy Face and kicked Me in My Divine Balls. I punish America every day for this blasphemous effrontery.

ADHD, overcrowding, the obesity epidemic, gangs, drunk and high pedophile teachers, school shootings, retards, schools burning down by the hundreds and thousands, killer squirrels – these are all common problems facing American education today and they all exist solely because you have all insulted Almighty God and incurred My Wrath.

I guess you could say that I tend to react badly to insults. Remember the Titanic? The designer boasted that not even “God himself could sink it.” HA! That’s what you people get for testing Me.

Oh, I know there are plenty of private parochial schools where I am heavily involved in the curriculum. But that’s nothing. I still can’t go near 90% of American schools.

What am I anyway? Some kind of pedophile? You have to keep Me away from your kids?! You fucking assholes! I’M ALMIGHTY GOD!


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Comment by greyfoot on January 14, 2009 at 1:40pm
Terrific and hilarious!
Comment by Jude Johnson on January 14, 2009 at 12:59am
Ok, we can handle most of your torment... but what do we have to do just to get rid of the killer squirrels?! Come on God -- let's make a deal.

By the way: I've had a theory that you've been in prison for quite some time. -Time after time I see inmates who say they found you in there. I've been out here for all of my almost 38 years and have seen neither hide nor hair of you! Can you clarify?

Are you open to other questions? I have many.
Comment by Clarence Dember on January 14, 2009 at 12:14am
Rockie Snockie Sock puppet of a god.



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