Hello everyone,

I just want introduce myself to you...

 I am Hope...  I'm Saudi..30 years old.. a wife and a mother..  I was raised as a muslim sunni..and now I am Agnostic!


I am not saying that there is no freedom at all in my country but there are limits for freedom here..


Women here can work... women can study, and I'm happy that I got my BA degree..


but that's not enough.. I feel that there is something missing..


We women here can not drive cars because most of people here reject this idea or you can say the general community reject the idea.. simply saudi community has a mind of Middle Ages.


Also women here cant do anything without a male guardian..so sad!


These two thing are the most important reasons that made women here suffer so much!!


The saudi government pays attention to the Islamic education..They taught us at schools some Islamic lessons as well as other sciences..


My religious status before Agnosticism.



 I went to a mosque with a religious friend of mine and I memorized with her "The Three Assets" by Abd al-Wahhab.. I studied the "Tawhid" for Muhammad ibn Abd-al-Wahhab.. I taught the Arabic language and Tajwid for non arabic speakers.. so, I used to be called wahhabi! I didnt like the name whhabi :P I used to call myself a sunni..

I think I'm knowledgeable about sunni Islam, so you can ask me anything you want.


That was 5 or 6 years ago I'm no longer a friend with them anymore!...

I left them and moved to the Sufi Islam for 2 years..


Here are some difficulties I had with Islam

When I was a muslim I used to say to myself, Hijab–the Islamic veil- is not that good because it's difficult you know here in Saudi Arabia we cover our faces "that's the difficulty" but I have to do it because Muhammed said "paradise Is surrounded by difficulties and hell is surrounded by temptations"


Also, there is another Hadith about that,


Muhammad said:"This world is like a prison for the believer, meaning that the way a prisoner isn't free and is bound by rules, the affair of a believer is the same, this world is not one of freedom for them but one of rules and obligations towards Allah."


 I adore drawing.. but guess what? It is prohibited in Islam!!!

that's another difficulty.. drawing is a temptation and hell is surrounded by temptations!!

 Ibn `Umar said: The Messenger of Allah said, "Those who draw pictures will be punished on the Day of Resurrection; and it will be said to them: `Breathe soul into what you have created.'''

Now I left Islam so I can draw what ever I want :P..


I cant come out!

I cant tell my real name cuz I have to protect my safety.. also I cant come out and say; I am no longer a muslim anymore.. You know there are many insane muslims out there... I once had a debate with a muslim guy... I was really afraid of him.. so, I decided not to debate them anymore!


All arabic atheists sites and blogs are blocked here in Saudi Arabia... Atheist Nexus is available... by blocking these sites they think that we cant share our voice... yes we can! :) we live in the twenty-first century... it has to be a freedom of thought and speech.. so there is no freedom of speech, freedom of no religion..


They continue brainwash people here by telling them false claims of scientific miracles in the Koran and Hadith to keep them in the Islamic prison, or as they claim, strengthen their faith.


My turning point

My turning point was after reading the book of Dr Kamel Al-Najjar an ex-muslim atheist he mentioned the scientific errors in the Quraan!

"Critical reading of Islam" the whole book influenced me

I opened my eyes on this verse that I did not pay attention to it before!!

"And he followed a road; Till, when he reached the setting-place of the sun,


he found it setting in a muddy spring, and found a people thereabout. We said: O Dhu'l-Qarneyn! Either punish or show them kindness. (Qur'an 18:85-86)"

The Koran says, the sun literlly sets in a muddy spring.
There is a man called Two-Horned or Dhul-Qarnain (which many think refers to Alexander the great,who was represented with 2 horns in coins)

as going to where the SUN SETS. It literally says he found the place.


*Note, Alexander the great is considered a prophet in Islam.. ?!!


Muhammad’s interpretation about this was mentioned in this Hadith below,


"Abu Dharr was with Muhammad during the sunset. Muhammad asked him: ‘Do you know, O Abu Dharr where this sets?’ He answered: ‘God and His apostle know better.’ Muhammad said: ‘It sets in a spring of slimy water"’ (3rd Edition, Volume 2 p. 743,1987).


I told my husband about this scientific errors… he simply answered
Allah knows better than scientists! ….I know that he was lying to himself!!! I told him dont lie to yourself!! he's a muslim now.


I knew that muslims are correcting the Qurainc mistakes by false interpretation, they lie to themselves...this is so bad!

So, I used my brain and found myself born again! very happy!  I'm a member of A/N  now! Atheism is great.. All atheists I met are respectful, polite and lovely people..


I met a professor of genomics she's atheist of course.. I learned from her so many scientific things she gave me links and books.. I'm still learning more and more.


I am fine and safe and my husband is okay with my Atheism!


Thanks for reading my post and I hope that my English was fine! it's my second language anyway :)


**´¨`**´¨`**´¨`**´¨`**´¨`* *´¨`**´¨`**´¨`**´¨`**´¨`* *

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Comment by Sameer on November 30, 2012 at 7:36am

This is really funny --- (Ibn `Umar said: The Messenger of Allah said, "Those who draw pictures will be punished on the Day of Resurrection; and it will be said to them: `Breathe soul into what you have created.'''). LOL. I mean,Drawing is an interesting thing.It's a gift.Not all people can draw.How can anyone say that drawing is bad ?? Anyway.

You said,your husband said Allah knows better than scientists!That is a nice joke.You know what,that is the same any Muslim will say.I once asked a online friend i had before about whether she believes that the world will end in 2012 or not.She said..that is ridiculous,Allah only knows when this world will end.I was laughing.I was wondering in that case,why not she ask Allah itself about when the world will end.LOL.I didn't replied to her for that because i don't want to see her become upset because if you ask normally how Allah can know this or that,there are those who are more religious reply in a harsh way and not patiently.I experienced it with few people in online longtime before.

As you said,there are some insane muslims out there so you can't say about things like this freely.I understand that.It is the reason why i never wanted to come to Saudi while my dad and brother in law did worked there before some years.I know there are some people there who will interfere in our beliefs for no reason.More especially to a exmuslim.Atheist sites are blocked there but not Atheist nexus..How is that ? I am glad your husband is ok with your Atheism..

Comment by Janina van der Westhuizen on September 16, 2011 at 7:32am
I admire your bravery. Glad this forum give you the opportunity to express yourself.
Comment by Hope on September 14, 2011 at 12:16am
Wanderer, hello, It's been a long time :)

you asked,

 what were your reactions to the cartoon drawings of Muhammed?


Do you still think it is wrong,,,  no, wasn't wrong at all...  

the danish cartoonist lives in a secular country that gave him freedom!


but the wrong thing was the muslims reactions that came out of a blind emotion... ...I think they love muhammed more than Allah!

Muslims are the ones who harmed their religion not the danish cartoonist that gave him the freedom!


or do you think that people should have the freedom to express themselves, even if what they have to say is stupid or offensive..


I think pepole should express themselves without offending others or try to do this as much as they can without offending others.

Comment by Vulpes on September 13, 2011 at 7:40pm

Your English was fine? If you hadn't of mentioned the fact that English is your second language I'd have thought it to be your first. Superb. 


Incredible story. I can't imagine how hard it is for many Muslims to come out as atheist. Christians have problems for sure but we don't have to worry about being killed ( at least not nearly as much). So the pressure on you is more than can be imagined. It is good to know that your husband tolerates your apostasy. 

Comment by annet on September 13, 2011 at 7:29pm

Greetings Hope,

Your English is excellent. I'm very glad you have joined us.  Yours is an amazing story. I often worry about the women in Saudi and wonder if there is anything we can do to help with women's rights over there. I was happy to hear about those rogue women drivers recently. Nice to meet you.

Comment by Jedi Wanderer on September 13, 2011 at 7:23pm
Hey Hope, long time no speak. Thanks for posting this about yourself, I am especially interested in how women in Islamic countries come to reject Islam, it seems very rare so I think that makes you special. I don't think you need to bother anymore with adding "PBUH" or any of the other honorifics behind the names of Muhammed or any of the other revered figures of Islam. Which makes me think of a question for you: what were your reactions to the cartoon drawings of Muhammed? Do you still think it is wrong, or do you think that people should have the freedom to express themselves, even if what they have to say is stupid or offensive?

Also, although AN may not be currently blocked in KSA, it may not take long for them to catch this site (it is growing you know) and block it, or worse, use it to spy on people. When I was in Riyadh I know I wasn't even allowed to use sites which were meant to do research in the humanities, even philosophy is frowned upon or even restricted there.

My wife is currently in Riyadh, absent her male guardian, and I am always terrified they will find out I am not there with her and who knows what will happen then? She has so far had no problems but I have always said since living there that Saudis treat their women more like their cars or their camels than as actual human beings. I always shook my head in disgust/contempt when I see the men walking around with 3 or 4 wives, all dressed completely in black. They have no respect for their wives, and so how can they have respect for themselves?

I have to go back to Riyadh in a few months and every time I go I am afraid. It is a dangerous place for Westerners, and I'll be glad when I leave there for the last time. I am glad you have someone who is showing you things to read and that you are not stifled or in any serious danger. I think you are a very strong person, and your children are very lucky. And by the way your English is very good.
Comment by United Under One on September 13, 2011 at 3:06pm
Hope, do you have Facebook?  I would love to be your friend and share ideas.  I like the way you think.  Most people are not smart enough to respond the way you did just now.  I think our children should have the right to decide for themselves how religion relates to their life.  I wasn't lucky enough to have that choice, so it took me years during my 20s to 'let go' of Catholicism and realize that the rules and dogmas my family put on me were just not me.  Your children will be that much further ahead in life without those benchmarks.
Comment by Hope on September 13, 2011 at 2:28pm

How to plan to raise your kids in regards to religion? that's a tough question, but really interesting I just let them know what's right and what's wrong tell the also that goodness come from our conscience and morality can rise in the absence of religion,, I'll never iscuss religion with them.. I'll just give them free choice if they want to! that's all what I can do!


Comment by United Under One on September 13, 2011 at 1:03pm
Hope- welcome to our family! Very interesting story How to plan to raise your kids in regards to religion?



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