Ahh, the JOYS of Mothering a Teenage Girl ...

She's 14 and she snuck into a night club on Friday night with another little friend.

First she lied to me and said that she was gonna spend the night at the friend's house. So I called to check up on her and she was clearly at a party with a lot of kids yelling in the background. I asked to talk to her friend's mother and she handed the phone to a teenage boy who tried to fake a grown man's voice and tell me that he was the other girl's father. When I asked for the address to pick her up the next morning, he didn't know it! I got the address of their home, and sent Daniel over to check things out - of course, no one was home!

Then we both tried to get her on her cell, and she turned off her phone for a few hours. I left her some nasty messages on her cell and on her MySpace page.

We got her home at about 10:00 and I can't tell if she was taking Extasy or not. She had this HUGE smile on her face and she hid in her room for the rest of the night, but we couldn't smell pot or booze.

I can barely bring my self to look at her, and we still haven't sat her down for her punishment, which will be horrid.

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Comment by Natalie on March 15, 2009 at 1:26am
My daughter is about to turn 12 in a few months. We have always butted heads and I am NOT looking forward to her teen years. If it is supposed to get worse before it gets better, I think I'm going to go grey early!!! Just to let you know, tho....(and not to scare you too much...) Kids are never "too young" to be experimenting with drugs. All it takes is a little peer pressure no matter how intelligent they are. All we can hope for is for them to make the right decision when the time comes.
Comment by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on January 19, 2009 at 12:50am
the possiblity of using any kind of drugs as a weapon of defiance or merit badge for freedom from parental brutality :-) that the main reason why kids engage in risky substance abuse behaviour will be undermined.

I guess we will just have to wait and see whether these strategies work as well on him as they did on us.
Comment by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on January 19, 2009 at 12:46am
My husband was privy to an excellent school-based drug education program. No-one in the class was told not to take or experiment with drugs and no-one was told that all illegal drugs were absolutely evil and bad.

What he got was a realistic description of what is/was available plus the kind of stuff you get about a new drug from the better pharmacies. The class was informed about why someone might want to take the drug, what range of effects they could expect, both good and bad. The concept of doses compared with body weight was explained and so were the problems of drug interactions with things as mundane as water and excercise.

The result was a well-informed class who did not view drugs, either legal or illegal, as some kind of risky forbidden fun which made them feel deliciously defiant or as something which had no use when prescribed and monitored by a qualified medical practitioner.

Our son gets no such program here in the US so we are doing the best we can at home. Drug education is low key, matter of fact and open. He knows which drugs are likely to cause him the most harm if mixed with his medication and his mental disabilities (ADHD and Aspbergers) and he has some strategies for coping if someone slips him something. The "legal" drugs of alcohol and tobacoo are treated in the same way. We tell him that if he wants to experiment that he should do so in a "safe" environment and that we might even offer to help. We emphasize that the crime to be avoided is to take stupid risks that could harm himself, his friends or his family. We tell him that we would be worried if he took silly risks and that we hope he is will demonstrate his increasing maturity by acting responsibly even if those around him are not. We tell him that if he does get sucked into doing something risky that we would help him with the consequences before we say "I told you so" - unless he miscalculates and ends up dead or brain dead.

He hope that by taking the mystery away and taking away
Comment by Laura Ross on December 15, 2008 at 7:39pm
Sympathy! And many hugs!
Comment by Fr33think3r on December 15, 2008 at 5:12am
I think I want my girls seeing boys like Michael.
Comment by HotMess on December 14, 2008 at 11:51pm
thanks Freethinker; I posted an article about changes in the adolescent brain in the "parenting little heathens group" and these teen years are very egocentric, just like the toddler years; only this time aroung maybe they need to be MADE to think about others.
Thanks again, felch: I'm doing my reading and she seemed "euphoric" when she got home, but ugh, she's only 14 and too young to be experimenting with drugs.
Comment by Andrew on December 14, 2008 at 11:49pm
It's likely that she is now in the confines of a photo album and numerous fantastic memories, at least until she is 18. Since she probably hasn't read a guidebook to teenage life and independence she is probably nervously trying to find her way to a state of self reliance while trying to fit in with her friends.

From your observations of her and her friends where do you think she may be? What is she trying to achieve?
Comment by HotMess on December 14, 2008 at 11:08pm
Thanks Andrew but ... uhhhhhhhhh I'm at a complete and total loss.
Comment by Fr33think3r on December 14, 2008 at 11:07pm
OMG reading that story put an image in my head and my girls are only 3 year old and 20 months old. The worry would cause me a heart attack. I think my biggest problem is that I can still remember being a teenage boy.

IRMB's comment got me thinking that your baby was not considering your feelings. She lied to you and she avoided you. Both immature and selfish actions. But, that is what we expect from a teenager.
Comment by Andrew on December 14, 2008 at 10:54pm
My daughter is just about 13 and for the last year I've seen the cuddly, just-have-fun daughter of mine start to change into someone that I didn't expect to appear...oh the horror [insert picture of The Scream by Munch]...but also the honour.

The tempo of the drum roll announcing her journey through the thought provoking (to put it mildly) years has definitely caught me off guard, and I expect that she will beat her drum as close to my ear and as loud as she can as long as she can get away with.

Saturday morning I called my dad to tell him that his monster granddaughter had broken loose from the confines of childhood and he knew exactly what I was referring to. After about five minutes of solid laughter he told me a few stories about my sister, and gave me some advise, "Just be there for her no matter what." Oh well, I guess I've got to live with the actions of DNA and memes.

Needless to say I didn't feel satisfied with my dad's response so I called my sister. My mom was visiting her so I got a two-for-one advise deal. I think that my sister gets her sense of humour from my dad. After about five minutes of laughter she told me, "While you ride the emotional roller coaster with her, whatever you do, act as if life is normal. Letting her think that something has gone terribly wrong is guaranteed to bring you misery." Then her husband mentioned something about an evil twin...

As a dad who expects to be in your situation within the next year or two I would agree with Mr. B., "If you can think of strategies that require mature communication and conduct by all parties..." and whether you find a solution or not, for the love of science, please share the results of your experiments.



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