You all know how I feel about certain words. Vulgar words don’t bother me; it’s words like SUBMIT, that have some kind of freaky connotation. To me, “submit” means giving up on life. It’s saying “uncle.” It means getting down on the ground and admitting you’re not the most important person in the world. I’m not, but I don’t like to admit it.
There’s a word that’s driving me crazy and I want to use my blog to get it off my chest. It’s many times worse than “submit” because it’s a word that can cause a traffic accident. People might have died because of this word. “Worship” can drive people crazy.
There’s about 50 churches here in Sarasota, Fl. I think just about every one of them has a marquee in front with pithy words of wisdom, right on the avenue. You can’t miss it. The marquees are rectangular with angels painted on the borders and a white church engraved on the top. The lettering is IMPACT.
So I’m riding down Beneva Road on my way to the supermarket or the bank and every day my eyes can’t help but gaze upon, “WORSHIP WITH US SUNDAY,” or “THOU SHALL WORSHIP THE LORD.” Sometimes I even get a Biblical reference, “WORSHIP GOD AND GO TO HEAVEN, JOHN 23:1-2.” The gospel reference is to confirm the statement, like it has to be true because John said so.
Here’s some of the stuff I have to put up with:
Beauty: an act of God
People ignore God and then blame him for the chaos that results
Food – a gift from God
Imagine how God feels
Jesus Christ: the name on everybody’s lips
Famous last words: I’ll get right with God later
Jesus: beaten so that you could be unbeatable
Love – a gift from God
There’s more hope for murderers than the self-righteous
If God were an impersonal force we’d be superior to our Maker
You can fool yourself. You can never fool God
Society’s rejects have a special place in God’s heart
Lonely? No one understands like Jesus
Hell! I thought I’d gotten away with it!
Have you made God smile today?
Rainbows – a gift from God
There is more to Jesus than anyone has so far discovered
Okay, I’ve had enough. I decide to take ‘em up on it. Knock, knock, on the church door. “It’s Sunday, Reverend, I’m here to worship. What do I do?”
The tall gaunt cleric invites me into the foyer with an air of grace and paternity.
“Hey, wait a minute, before we start. Just why am I supposed to worship?”
The man of the cloth looks at me with the befuddled look of a kindergarten teacher asked an intelligent question. He looks down at me with the Mona Lisa half smile of limitless sagacity, “Because God created you in His image.”
That’s it. G’nuck, g’nuck
, (enough, enough) as Abbie Hoffman used to say. I turn toward the door. “Sorry, Reverend, that shit don’t bounce,” I retort in my feistiest Brooklyn accent. “You’re tellin’ me, God created us to worship Him. That’s bullshit. What’s God a megalomaniac?
“Let’s say I’m all good, all knowing and all powerful—just for a minute, okay? I wouldn’t create somebody just to be worshipped. That’s nothin’ but a pretty sick ego trip. I’d say, ‘Hey, I created ya, have a good time. The universe is all yours. Enjoy it: the world, animals, art, sex, intelligence. Just don’t hurt anybody while you’re doin’ it, okay? You don’t even have to say thanks.’”
Like this stuff. Allow me to pitch Mirror Reversal
. Same thing cover to cover.