I’m too attractive to borderliners, I think. For the second time in six months a borderliner started to scream at me and attacked me with verbal abuse.

I never suspect a new contact to be a borderliner, but I make room for someone new, give them my attention and listen to what they want to tell me. Most of the time I listen and I don’t talk very much. Borderliners like to talk about the unfair way life has treated them, but hell, everybody is in a bad patch now and then.

There comes a day that I want to talk about something, but there’s never time for it with a borderliner, they’re always running from one crisis into the next one and they need a lot of attention. On that day I think that there’s something unbalanced about this friendship, but the sun’s still shining…

And then one day I utter an opinion, my opinion. WHAT!? AN OPINION?! Without consulting the borderliner! Gross! Detestable! Horrible! You should be beheaded for that! And what’s that? CRITICISM!? You backstabber!

So I break the contact, because there’s nothing else a reasonable person can do. But I start to suspect my other contacts… who of you? And when?      And I check the mirror; too kind, too patient, not dominant enough.. can I be different? Do I want that?

 

I’d love to have an early warning system for borderliners at this point, I’m quite fed up with their disgusting behaviour.

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Comment by Plinius on August 20, 2017 at 12:41am

Can it be that people with personality disorders are attracted to the health care profession because they like the power to give people orders? There must be more reasons than that. In the years I took therapy I heard many people; "I feel better AND I know what to do now. I'm going to be a therapist!"

Comment by Plinius on August 20, 2017 at 12:32am

Thanks Joan! It's indeed the sort of problem that makes everyone walk on eggshells and getting an unhealthy dose of stress. 

Daniel, such requirements! How can you make every patient happy, every visit every time? Then you can never start treating them! 

Comment by Joan Denoo on August 19, 2017 at 7:05pm

If you want clinical information there are some excellent books that may help how you. 

To deal with manipulation, controlling, or lying behaviors, or intense, violent, and irrational temper tantrums, and constantly trying to avoid confrontation:

 

To undertand the disorder:

Borderline Personality Disorder 

To teach Borderline Personality Disorder students: 

Marsha M. Linehan, Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder 

I found Linehan useful because she did brain scan studies in her research and it made a difference in how she responded to patients and how she taught life-skills to replace behaviors that cause them problems in society. She states she uses mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance.

Comment by Daniel W on August 19, 2017 at 3:08pm

I saw so many cases in my career.  What is worse, the health care system surveys patients, and we were required to make every patient happy, every visit, every time.  The stress of that makes the profession much harder.  Then there serm to be a lot of doctors, nurses, and managers with the disorder.  The health care profession seem to attract people with personality disorders.  Im glad Im retired.  Life is much less crazy now.

Comment by Plinius on August 19, 2017 at 1:52pm

Yes, when they think you could cater to their needs they want you. I'm slow to speak because of my fundie upbringing - very well prepared for slavery. Once every few years I get angry - they call it a Plinian eruption...

Comment by kathy: ky on August 19, 2017 at 1:30pm
Chris, like you I'm slow to speak. Usually. I've attracted my share of them. Also like you I cut contact with them. In this area I take it for granted that anyone I meet is very religious. Which is why I'm slow to speak.
Comment by Frankie Dapper on August 19, 2017 at 1:02pm

That is a good line Plinius. I too have been shot in the underbelly and kicked up the ass by person with bpd. Laughter is best shield. 

Comment by Plinius on August 19, 2017 at 11:42am

LOL, this week's attack was by a 70 year old woman, really vicious. Glad I didn't know her when she was younger!

Comment by Frankie Dapper on August 19, 2017 at 10:30am

I have read that the symptoms ameliorate a bit as time passes. 

Comment by Plinius on August 19, 2017 at 10:21am

I don't condemn, borderline sufferers can't help themselves, but it's not strange that I feel hostility when my borders are crossed and my time and energy drained by someone who thinks only of herself. That is a violation of my personal space.

But I'm told there are borderliners who manage themselves much better without draining others' energy.

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