So, my partner and I are moving to Washington, DC. We've told our family. Everything was going really well.....until.....

A few night ago I was talking with my mother. Once again, I mentioned the move. She acted like she had not heard this before. The conversation on the phone went something like this:

Mom - So you are really going to move.

Me - Yes, we are.

Mom - You are making a big mistake. I don't know why you don't understand the cost of living is so much more up there.

Me - I know, but my salary will be double what it is here.

Mom - It won't matter. It is a mistake and I'm not going to help you if you get into trouble.

Me - But we want kids. We can't do that here.

Mom - Well, you weren't meant to have kids. Marriage is between a man a woman. Two men aren't suppose to have kids.

Me - I think you are wrong.

Mom - I'm not wrong. If you move, I won't be here for you when you need help.

I tried to hide my hurt and quickly changed the subject. I realized that no amount of talking or discussion will change her mind. This is what religion does to people. THIS is why my mother is supportive of me. She basically disowned me again. My partner and I have been together for 19 years. We've been to my parent's house. We've spent the night. We've celebrated christmas with them. But apparently it was all an act. She doesn't support us - therefore she doesn't support me.

Not to mention the fact, that she says, very firmly, that if anything goes wrong, she will not be there for me and won't help me. Can you imagine telling your child that? I can't. There are MANY straight couples who NEVER should be parents. But because of my sexuality, my mother things I wouldn't be a good parent. Unfortunately, this means that she will never accept her grandchildren. And I won't expose them to that.

The sad thing is, I'd be there for her no matter what. :(

Goodbye mother. Wishing you well....

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Comment by Aly Jiselle on April 10, 2011 at 2:07am

I lived in DC Metro for 7 years and I absolutely ADORED it.  Yeah, the cost of living is a beast, but you can find some nicely priced properties in the suburbs if you can tolerate a longer commute.


Without knowing the dynamics of your relationship, it seems to me like she's either sad that you're leaving or jealous that you're leaving (maybe a little bit of both).  I hate that she's making you feel like she won't be there for you, but I find it hard to believe she'll turn her back on you. And for as much as she thinks you shouldn't have kids, I can't imagine she'd be willing to reject her grandchild(ren) just because of her issues with your sexuality. Nevertheless, I know how hurtful those threats are and I hope things get better.


At the end of the day, I say do what's best for you.  I moved back to Mississippi (from Alexandria, VA) in 2007 to help my mom and brother thru a family crisis, and not a day has gone by that I haven't secretly regretted it and deeply resented them for it-- because, by being here, I have sacrificed my wants and needs, my freedom to be myself, and my peace-of-mind, and I am dying a slow emotional death as a result.


So, by all means, GO!!! Life is too short to spend living for others.  I'd give anything to go back to 2007 and NOT have made the foolish decision to move here to help a mother and brother who won't even accept my lifestyle and worldview.  These last 4 years have been a waste and a downward spiral-- and 250 job apps later, I still haven't found a way out.  I miss the DC area so much because it's everything Mississippi isn't and never will be.  I hope you and your partner love it as much as I did and that you start a family soon!  BTW, make sure you visit Old Town Alexandria and the National Harbor while the weather's nice!


Stay in touch!!!

Comment by Loren Miller on April 3, 2011 at 10:57am

This is a point I've probably made more than once: I LOVE my daughter ... PERIOD ... and I cannot think of anything she could do or say that would make me NOT love her or not support her.  That is as fundamental to me as Ohm's Law or Maxwell's Equations, probably much more so.

Yet because of some unsubstantiated belief that your mother has absorbed into herself, you somehow cannot earn the same brand of love and support, and I'm left shaking my head and wondering how important she took the role of mother or if she recognized the importance of children learning to think for themselves.

Comment by Rejectthegods on April 3, 2011 at 10:45am
Thanks John and Cliff.

Yeah, Cliff, I had already decided that I'm going to send pictures of the entire process to her. She will know she has grandchildren. Going to do the birthday card, xmas card, and everything too.

I also believe she will change her mind. I think part of the problem is that she doesn't want me to move. She's hurt that I'm moving so she wants me to hurt in a weird kinda way.

Anyway, I'm excited and I am moving. She can be a part of my life or not, but I'm not mad. It is really her loss.



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