Do Christian and Atheist relationships work?

I'm interested in this guy at school who is a Christian. He and I are really just friends now and I would like to know if he might want to date. I haven't told him that I'm Atheist and I haven't told him that I liked him (I'm getting to it) but have any of you every heard of or been in this type of relationship? I feel that he himself would be fine with it but I wouldn't want to date him if it would cause friction and distance between him and his parents.

Any thoughts or ideas?

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Comment by Jasyn Taylor on December 11, 2009 at 12:28pm
In all honesty, you would be better off perusing another guy, someone with similar beliefs (or lack thereof). Having a relationship is hard enough without throwing a messed up god into the picture. I'm not saying it can't work, but it may prove to be very difficult.
Comment by Amber on December 8, 2009 at 9:24pm
First you need to be honest with him. You don't want to be friends (or more) with a person who doesn't accept you for who you are and what you believe.

I'm in a relationship with a man who went to a private Christian school. He fully knows where I stand and he accepts me completely. I also accept him completely. He's not what you would call a "religious freak" but does believe in God. I might say he's more spiritual than religious. Neither of us try to "convert" the other. We just agree to disagree. Oddly enough, we agree on most other aspects of life.

Be true to who you are! Let me know if you have any other questions. I'd be happy to talk with you!
Comment by Johnny on December 8, 2009 at 1:18pm
good point nerd. I second that.
Comment by Johnny on December 8, 2009 at 12:00pm
another good sign is if they think most of the bible is "just metaphors."

I nudge my gf about this kind of stuff all the time because she's more of an agnostic theist. She always fires back "I DONT CARE! I'm not a crazy Jesus freak ok???" lol it's probably my fault for being like a little kid in a candy shop sometimes.

It's kinda cute. I read an article on a really old couple and they said that the key to a long happy relationship was to have little fights every day to vent and prevent big ones. I think religion actually helps us a lil with that.
Comment by Paul Lin on December 8, 2009 at 10:58am
It depends on how religious he is.
Comment by Edward Teach on December 8, 2009 at 10:07am
I hear ya Johnny... There is a big difference between choosing a mythology with the understanding that it is a mythology and being indoctrinated into a mythology and believing it to be the ultimate truth. I can't imagine anyone actually doing an objective analysis and choosing xianity (maybe the love thy neighbor part).
Comment by Johnny on December 8, 2009 at 10:00am
well rusty obviously the problem is that not all theists are open-minded enough. I know some real airheads and some church FREAKS

here's some good signs:
hates church
has been exposed to multiple cultures
split religion parents

Bad signs:
likes church
spends more than the minimum time there
is in a youth group
in a prayer group

These tend to be...preeetty closed minded. They are as helplessly sheeplike as it gets. They're the kind of people who go... "you're atheist?"... and then their eyes gloss over with their brainwashing to block out your opinion.
Comment by Edward Teach on December 8, 2009 at 9:41am
Relativism could be helpful here. If myth is the root of most meaning for humans, then why begrudge a significant other for choosing the mythology he/she has?
Comment by Johnny on December 8, 2009 at 9:26am
there are some definite risk factors. I know a few atheist/christian couples are here on A/N.

I'm one of them. I'll say this: both of you have to be VERY mature about it and very respectful. Religion is a NASTY argument sometimes and it's important that you're able to recover afterwards. Also, I was an apathetic agnostic 3 years ago and only been an active atheist for a year... I wouldn't know how it would be in a new relationship but it could possibly be easier in a new one because I bet you'd get on each other's nerves less LOL

anyway, I've met many people who have made it work. The theist just needs to be pretty open minded and an "agnostic" theist. Sometimes they'll deconvert but that's not what you should always be pushing them to do. Don't force your atheistic views into a lot of conversations (you know... maybe once a month or something for a new relationship...) and I'm sure it will work fine.

good luck! go get 'em! =)
Comment by Rob van Senten on December 8, 2009 at 5:21am
It seems that you would have to find out his position first before you can know what might or might not be. Apparently at the moment religion is not a topic which you discuss with him so there are many possibilities at the moment.

In friendship and in relationships you do not need to agree on everything, but you need to know if your ideas hold the same weight as his. As said by Tim, relationships should be based upon mutual love, understanding and respect, if his religion does not prevent him from respecting your position it should not be a problem.

Don't however forget your thoughts about the matter either, can you respect him even when you might not necessarily approve of his customs and/or actions? Would you be ok with him if he started praying for your salvation? Would you accompany him to religious services? Where exactly would you draw the line?

Unfortunately knowing what you would and would not accept/respect from your partner is very important when deciding to start a relationship, especially with a person with a world view that conflicts with yours.

Just be true to yourself, then at least you will not lose what's most important, the respect and love for yourself. I wish you the best!



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