I actually wrote this in a blog last year around this time, but thought it might get a better reception here. So I'm re-posting it. Enjoy.

A bit of comparison between the jolly red guy, and the holy dead guy. (oh, sorry, dead "and resurrected" guy)
But first, a musical interlude to the tune of "Santa Clause is Coming" just to warm things up.

He's making a list. He's checking it well.
He's gonna decide who's burnin in hell.
Jesus Christ is coming right back.

He sees you when you're thinking, all of your dirty thoughts,
He knows if you have sinned or not, so don't think you won't get caught!

Oh, you better be straight. You cannot be gay.
You better repent cause it might be today
That Jesus Christ is coming right back.


On with the show! The Top Ten comparisons between Santa and God are:

10) Santa: Lives at the North Pole. God: Lives in "Heaven."
Equally difficult places for the majority of living beings to get to.

9) Santa: Has elves to boss around. God: Has "Angels" to boss around.
I know there's a joke in here somewhere about a Subordinate Claus, but I just can't place it...

8) Santa: Keeps tabs on who's "naughty" or "nice." God: Apparently keeps tabs on who's gay or straight. (oh, and a few other "sins" the majority of which even most believers can't agree upon what exactly those are.)
Equally instilling the fear of a presence that knows and judges your every move.

7) Santa: Will give you coal if you've been naughty. God: Lights the coal on fire and makes you burn in it eternally, if you've been naughty.
Instilling the fear of punishment for the actions you're being judged for (see #3).

6) Santa: Has eight "tiny reindeer," and a sleigh which he rides around the world in one night to deliver presents. God: Has seven seals and four horsemen which ride around the world to deliver "divine justice."

5) Santa: Comes in many forms with many rich traditions and stories behind him that people tend to take and pass on depending on geographical and social upbringing. God: Comes in many forms with many rich traditions and stories behind him that people tend to take and pass on depending on geographical and social upbringing.

4) Santa: Takes requests for presents and sometimes gives them and sometimes doesn't. God: Takes prayers for anything and sometimes grants them and sometimes doesn't.
The psychological theory of random positive re-enforcement comes to mind here... I wonder why?

3) Santa: Comes from an exaggerated story about a possibly real person. God: Comes entirely from myths to explain previously unexplainable natural phenomena, and the few possibly real historical figures connected with "God" have also been greatly exaggerated.
Ya cain't have a good yarn without twistin the truth just a little now, kin ya?

2) Santa: Was made up by parents to keep kids in line by the vague promise of reward for being good and threat of punishment for being bad on a yearly basis. God: Was made up by politicians and clergy to keep the general populous in line by the vague promise of reward for being good and punishment for being bad over a LIFETIME.

1) Santa: Eventually is revealed to be "pretend" and as people get older and smarter, they no longer believe. God: Eventually "reveals" himself and as people get older and smarter they hang on their belief like a drowning man on a life-preserver (even when he's finally washed up on solid ground).

And finally two MAJOR DIFFERENCES between them, #1) Santa: Is not real. One would be hard pressed to find a normal, rational adult who would argue this point. God: Is not real. It is VERY EASY to find otherwise normal, rational adults who will argue this point TO THE DEATH...

Which leads us to MAJOR DIFFERENCE #2) Santa: To my knowledge has never caused people to MURDER each other for not believing in Santa, or for believing in "the wrong" Santa. God: Has (IF one must insist he exists) allowed constant, countless atrocities from murder, to genocide and even infanticide to be carried out in His name throughout recorded history... for either not believing in God, or believing in "the wrong" God.

Thus concludes for tonight our comparison of Santa and God.
Thank you, and I hope you enjoyed.

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Comment by Fox Anderson on December 8, 2008 at 2:06pm
Other comment about god. "Man made god in his own image."
Comment by Fox Anderson on December 8, 2008 at 2:05pm
Quote from Santa: "Children, you remember how your parents told you about me and made you believe in me then you found out I was just a made up story? Well remember that when they are telling you to believe in Jesus."
Comment by Jas Brimstone on December 7, 2008 at 5:41pm
It still wasn't murder for NOT believing in Santa, it was murder for stupidity and greed. At best it was murder by NON-believers, after all if they believed in Santa they wouldn't have bum-rushed the door to get the best deals since Santa would just give them what they want because they were good. ;-)
Comment by Father Nature on December 7, 2008 at 10:49am
Brilliant PB. When I was a kid, my parents told me Santa wasn't real as we sat in church on Xmas eve. My first thought was "Uh....what about Jesus? I wonder if he's real? A skeptic was born.
Comment by Deborah Mitchell on December 7, 2008 at 7:52am
Ha! Very funny. I love this. You didn't mention anything about Santa being an anagram for Satan. Must be another point for you there....



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