In July 2008 I wrote some articles to make my column and blog readers think each being presented as a piece of humor and a different slant as seen through this poor old atheist eyes. I now wish to share these small humorous articles with my new friends and audience on gather.com
The first deals with the problem of a second coming of the Christian savior Jesus Christ of whom I think as one of the worlds greatest philosophers.
I am the son of God
My name is Peter Christian my mother was a single mum, I was born in the 4th March 1986 a comet announced my presence on earth and illuminated my place of birth in Chelsea London. Most people think that I am the product from a sperm bank, but that is not so. My mother God bless her soul was still a virgin at my birth. I am 22 years old and have just been released from the from Queen Mary’s mental ward where I was sectioned after being arrested for preaching the gospels and announcing I was back on earth and it’s that I was fulfilling my Father in heavens promise to mankind.
It was not supposed to be like this I thought people would listen to my holy messages from God almighty. In South Kensington high street, passers by and beer swigging louts just laughed at me no one wanted to listen too me. Even when a elevated my self from the ground I was told that David Blaine has already done that trick it was old hat. To policemen told me to move on as I was causing a blockage on a very busy street.
When I told them I was the Son of god and had the right to preach to my flock, then proceeded to prepare to do my next miracle to lift the police car of the ground (of which would have been spectacular). The policemen cautioned me then searched me. Roughly placed handcuffs around my wrist and took me to the police station. I was surprised when I was taken to a mental ward, as I had told the truth and no one would believe me and only smirked and laughed.
I had been told about citizen journalism and bloging, is now the way to get a message to the people thus I appealing for people that read my article to spread the word that I am back. That my father wished to let every one on this earth he created that its time to repent and shun all evil. This is the last warning as I his son that’s me, in 40 days will start the Armageddon the final war against evil. I AM BACK! My good fight will be against the devils spawn the man that bears the tale-tale mark 666 George Bush the president of United States of America. lol
Please spread the word.
Has mans free will caused a problem with Gods main plan that man has made it difficult for a second coming, it thought that his emissary would have a very hard time to prove he or she was sane.
Could it be that Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens) was Gods first attempted to initiate the second coming. Sending someone who was to be a great writer could have been Gods thought at that time.
He was born at he coming of Halley's comet and was taken away on its next visit. What could of gone wrong, possible Samuel did not want to be thought as being mad its known that he struggled on his last book of which never was completed on the day he died. The book was about Satan and then his third attempt Call No.44 The Mysterious Stranger shows some thing very interesting and may give us clue why god emissary did not start the ball rolling.
No. 44, The Mysterious Stranger, returns to Medieval Austria and tells of No. 44's mysterious appearance at the door of a print shop and his use of heavenly powers to expose the futility of mankind's existence. This version also introduces an idea Twain was toying with at the end of his life involving a duality of the "self", one being the "Waking Self" and the other being the "Dream Self". Twain explores these ideas through the use of "Duplicates", copies of the print shop workers made by No. 44. This version contains an actual ending, however the version is not considered as complete as Twain would have intended.
My own article may explain why God is delaying the end of the world. Perhaps Samuel Langhorne Clemens literature has some hidden message or code?
The second rendering of humor:
I am your universe
It’s the first time I have contacted any life forms, within my creation in fact that was not within the natural plans of us (your part of me)
I actual do not know a word of any of the ten million main languages here in my domain thankfully someone can understand who I really am or are. This universe is a big place and I am the natural law that governs it existence. If you are looking for a God perhaps I am what you are seeking but I am not a god. However you are part of my universe apart of nature. You are of course made up of my star dust actually a part of me/it/she or better still a lifelessness entity.
The fact you exist is because I need your eyes, feelings and conscious thought to show what I have designed is the perfection I need to have knowledge about. My nature caused your evolution.
Everything my evolved life sees shows that I am in fact doing a good job. I however can not understand my creation of freethinking creatures destroying each other. This factor was not in my planning however its not to much of a problem as I have a lot more time before I am reborn before then I can ensure you I will see perfection
Nature, Creator of a Universe
The third rendering of humor:
I am GOD!
Today is the day I report the fact that I have become officially an Adult. It's has took me a long time to grow up and since I declared my self to man kind I have played the games children play. When I became more responsible I just observed the game and did not make things more complicated for you mere mortals than they were.
I have seen many interesting things within my creation where as on many planets there have been many wars in my name and many of my creation destroyed complete civilization some even blew their whole planets up.
You humans have been some interest to me as your scientifically minded are at the very doorstep of working out that I have been playing games with your civilization. However my trusty followers have been so indoctrinated they even seem to be blind to my evil side. Yes I was a very nasty brat in my earlier years.
Now is the time to change my ways and stop all the deception that I actual listen to prayer and I want people to join me in my domain in the heavens after you are dead. Sorry that was all a big lie as you are all programmed to die and that there is no soul that lives on.
I am sorry to tell you that I am also the Devil that many of my followers so fear. Any way what I am going to do to put that to rights is the following:
1. Take a way your ability to be evil.
2. Control your environment so no natural calamities can take place.
3. Rid you of any religious indoctrination you may have received.
4. Get rid of the angels I created when I was a lazy brat
Human kind deserve to live peacefully in a new utopia as you and many other creatures have gave me something to do whilst growing up now I promise to be a better responsible God of whom you can talk face to face with when troubled.
Oh yes! for all those that wonder how I am created when I grow old and cease to exist I am reborn to start a new creation.
The third rendering of humor:
I am the Devil
Yes I am Satan your best friend that’s if you are greedy or selfish, most of you are. Humans have written some very nice things about me. The Bible of which I always read backwards (it makes more sense when one does that) says some very bad things about me thats very nice.and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil gives a good biography of me and what I am:
I am very good at playing Sim games, in fact I am winning as I have created a gateway at every temple, church, synagogue, mosque and prayer mat. I have even started a new Christian religion out of the old very dangerous goody, goody one. That was my best crafty plan and when this guy called Constantine became my disciple I was on to a winner.
And fooling the Jew’s into believing that Israel was promised to them was a big achievement of mine. Then pretending to be an angel and starting another new religion in the Middle East that was my best idea. All that lovely murder, lying and sin in an area called the Holy Land.
I must thank the human writers and film makers for scaring people and showing my great power it very good for my ego.
God is losing as God has only 120 souls in Heaven and I have millions in Hell, Oh the funniest thing I placed a fog in the minds of those that believed in God and they now really believe that God did not create me.
Of course I exist and yes God created me to do his dirty work, it’s a fun job but I know God has rigged the Good against Evil so that God can win. However when it all comes down to the crunch I am of course doing the will of God as God created Evil.
So who can I tempt to break Gods rules you all know that God will forgive you and it only when sinners repent they will be forgiven (he, he) and go to Hell er errr slip of my fork tongue er errr Heaven.
One thing I have noted that there is no humor in any of mans religious holy books or writings, they are all very serious. I wonder why? Is humor viewed as being evil?
© Robin Johnson-Perkins 2008 public domain
Hope you enjoyed a chuckle or two as life can be very serious. oh note that laughing in a temple of faith is not fashionable. lol