How would you deal with me?


I am an ardent existentialist who does not believe in freedom or choice. I believe I am a cog in the wheel, as it were, and I neither take responsibility nor accept blame for anything that happens. I do not plan ahead (consciously) or worry, and I do not look behind and regret. In my philosophy, it is impossible to make mistakes because everything is only what it must be, and could not be otherwise, despite the human suspicion that many possibilities exist. I live only in the moment.


All this seems to make me a difficult presence for anyone else I encounter. People seem to always want to be in a position of give and take; of mutual survival, which makes sense if you value survival. I do not, so the give and take is more burdensome than my system is willing to accept. I have no relative valuations for living, dying, existing or not existing. It is all of equal merrit to me, which is to say that it has none. Any value I would project on these concepts is just the confusion of my ego, not clearly seeing that the thing I am valuing is inextricably linked to all of the things I am not valuing. They are all the same things, only from different perspectives.


Anyway, my path has now lead me into a situation of being a pariah, both to society and my family, and yet my own tendencies in life do not lend themselves well to my survival, so I am probably doomed to "die" fairly soon (I do not see an actual distinction between living and non-living systems, so the words "life" and "death" don't have a real meaning to me. I only use them for your sake). From my perspective, there is nothing good or bad about this eventuality, which means my system is unable to create the inequality of desire-over-reality that motivates action. I expect that my system will be compelled to survive as it can, once shit hits the fan, but in my current straights that will likely mean committing crimes for which, again, I will not consider myself responsible. It is my system's needs, not mine. I have never chosen when to be hungry or thirsty or tired. I have never chosen anything at all, despite feeling as if I have. Even the feeling of desiring a particular outcome has been demonstrated to be a chemical interraction, so it is the chemicals that will be committing crimes against themselves and each other, not "me."

Of course, I didn't always think this way. I was sufficiently similar to most people for most of my life that I could get along, if only tolerably. So I can understand what most of you are thinking when you hear my beliefs. What I'm curious about is, if you knew and loved someone like me, what would you say to them? Would you even try to "help" them or would let them do as they wish even if it means they don't survive? How would you deal with me? Or would you not?

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Comment by John Camilli on May 28, 2011 at 9:31pm

Yeeeaaaaah, cuz all the best parents hit their kids, right Zeigler? Clearly you were a victim of such treatment as a child, for which I pity you, but it makes your comment no less idiotic.


I'm not sure which part of my post you find to be non-sensical. Since it was merely a personal description of my situation in life and not a pity plea or request for advice, I don't see how you think it's your place to say it doesn't make sense. It didn't have to make sense to you because it wasn't about your life; it was about mine. I'm the only one to whom it needs to make sense. I was merely gauging other people's reactions to how I described myself. If you think I describe myself inaccurately, then...well, then you're just dumb. You don't even know me. As far as I'm aware, we've never met, so where do you get your logic? Better yet, don't tell me. I don't care. You clearly have nothing useful to say, so it wouldn't do anything for me to hear it anyway. You should just go start a fight with someone instead. I recommend that idiot in the mirror.


By the way, how many times and in how many different blogs are you gonna say this is our last conversation before you actually shut your hole? It's not me saying we shouldn't talk anymore, it's you, so....don't talk dude. I'll decide what it's better for me to do, but if that's what you've decided is better for you, then do it. No one will try to stop you, I promise.

Comment by Prog Rock Girl on May 26, 2011 at 8:21am
I don't think your post merits a fistfight...that was such a troll comment.
Comment by John Camilli on May 26, 2011 at 7:53am

You are ignorant. You have no idea how old I am, and you have no idea what I have read. I promise you, I have studied far more science and philsophy than you or anyone you personally know. My family is full of published scientists, and I fell quite close to the tree in that regard, but you're welcome to test my knowledge if you feel the need. Furthermore, I have not sought, nor have I had, a relationship for over five years now. None of what I say is to create an impression for other people; I say it for my own musing, and for anyone who cares to hear alternative ideas. There is nothing I hope to accomplish with it because I do not believe in a purpose to existence. I think we all just exist, and there is no reason for it at all.


I also do not fight people unless my own life is threatened. What could that possibly prove? Might does not make right. And as for being childish, yes I am. I find a childish perspective on life to be more open and allowing of new ideas. I do not seek to be jaded and judgemental, as I find most people tend to become as they get older. I do not assume that my ideas are correct or superior, so I do not condemn and deride others for what they think or say. You see, to be quite versed at that, which I find sad. But to each his own. I don't judge you for what you are. You could try a little of the same.

Comment by Alice on February 20, 2011 at 2:09am

Funny how Jim and Chris both said they would avoid someone like you, and yet they both posted their messages to you...


Perhaps they still felt it was important to share their thoughts with you.  And like you said, their thoughts were valuable.


I used to feel very much like Jim – couldn’t handle dealing with people who were depressed – but I was quite depressed myself.  I think depression might also be something to do with not being able to clearly know what our needs are, and also get help from others to help meet our needs.


Understanding what you needs are can be a huge challenge, especially if they are not being met, and you were never taught well how to identify them.  It’s not taught in school, so I would say, along with emotional literacy and financial literacy, it’s lost with a whole lot of others stuff for us to struggle to learn as a young adult.


People who don’t like others who are depressed, generally find it difficult to get their own needs met, and so on encountering a person with depression – it makes a double problem, not only their own needs, but now another pain in the arse come along with more unmet needs and no way of knowing what they are and how they’re going to meet them!


Pretty scary stuff.


Alice :)

Comment by Alice on February 20, 2011 at 2:00am

... not sure what happened there... maybe I said too much!


Anyhow, as I was saying... LOL


The other problem you may be facing is the matter of getting your needs met.  We have many basic needs, such as food, shelter, warmth, affection, love, community, integrity, autonomy to choice our own values and goals, celebration of life and death and others…


Alice :)


Comment by Alice on February 20, 2011 at 1:47am

Well... I relate to much of what you say... and I agree with most of it too.  I hear what you are saying as a question about meaning.  What is the point of you being here?  Or of any of us being here?  I agree, there is no point.


Regarding you understanding of our human condition – our evolution that causes us to survive, and the bio-chemistry that supports that process.  It is also human nature to want to give and take with others in order to respond to their mutual drive for survival.


Reading your post, I did feel concerned about your mental and physical health.  This is a natural and human response. 


It sounds as though you may feel hopeless when thinking about the broader implications of your world view.  You may even be suffering from ill health, that is affecting your ability to feel enjoyment in life.


I suffered from long term depression in my life.  It started when I was about 12 years old and went on, sometimes for months at a time, and sometimes I would have happy periods.  But really my happy periods didn’t last long – a matter of days or weeks, but never months.  It wasn’t until I was in my late 20’s that I started to come out it.  For me it was when I got onto an iron supplement that also contained some B vitamins.


I think that humans in their natural state, have a happy temperament.  It’s lack of vitamins, minerals and / or over run with pathogens such as bacteria, fungi and / or viruses, that causes us to feel less than contented.


When humans have a good healthy body with all the right nutrition and enough good bacteria’s for healthy immune function – having the outlook that you do – and I share – means that it doesn’t matter that there is no point to life.  As I’m enjoying it all the same – and I’m able to make up my own meaning, it that makes sense for me to do.  I can enjoy simply being – so long as I have my needs met.


The other prob

Comment by Frankie Dapper on February 8, 2011 at 10:14pm
John, glad you are alive.  I enjoy reading your wacky posts.
Comment by John Camilli on February 8, 2011 at 9:22pm
Don't worry, people, I didn't kill myself or anything, lol. I was in the hospital for a few days. But I had plenty of time for thinking, so I'll be posting some more interresting posts soon (that's assuming any of my posts have been interresting in the first place). I do appreciate all of your comments, even the ones you might think I wouldn't appreciate. I prefer honesty to being appeased.
Comment by Frankie Dapper on February 7, 2011 at 10:53am
John the phoenix, are you there John?
Comment by AgeOfAtheists14 on February 5, 2011 at 1:58pm

find time per/week to exercise in a heavily wooded park. carry protection and go where you please. I did not even look where you're from but; perhaps you've come to the right nexus of info and support. Damn the system.

no sure if this is the exact lyric but:

"...truth is they are nothing w/o you, and you are nothing w/o the truth." - Canibus


I've learned it's not all about the individual anymore

and it should be said that the youth are just as valuable as the mid or elders.

it's spherical existence now. 101010101010111010101 see...?

whaaaaat? abstract or bust baby!

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