I have a problem. I have an arch enemy. Help!

So I've been on a different forum and when the topic of religion comes up, guess which side I am on.

I've recently been having a civil if unconstructive discussion with someone about the topic of creationism.

This has seriously irritated one guy from Ireland, who has ... issues...both with the church and abuse...and doesn't take kindly to my pointing them out.

So just now I have just received this PM in my inbox.

Subject: Keep Secret Please. EDIT: This subject came from a reply to an email I'd originally sent I'd plain forgotten that fact. He's replied to that original email.

I despise you for refusing to leave the Church and abuse thing alone. I will keep at you the way you have ignored me, till I am barred DICK. You ruined that place. It was
neverlike it till you arrived with your soapbox IKAB and atheism. I will
be after you every chance I get. Know why you are with your parents at
29, no job or love to speak of. You figure it out. I have no doubts you
will send this to the forum admin and I will be banned. They will do me a
GREAT favour. Just to wish you a pleasant life with your cerebralism,
no heart and last but not least, atheism. I asked you reapetedly to
leave it alone, cause it was sensitive to and hurting me. But no. Your
soapbox is more important. I don't like you Richard - DICK, and won't
pretend to, cause you are an egotistical asshole and if there is a God,
someone he will allow you to disappear up it.

Have a good one.

Then another...

Richard you are an educated man. The Forum is supposed to be about help and support.You have NO concept of the hurt you are causing victims/survivors of sexual abuse. Clerical especially. Please
research this topic do you csn educate your self about the possible harm
done. I KNOW you have isuse with this suject and rightly so. I lived
it. But please please be aware how your talk of all of this can trigger
memories for people. Why are you thinking I am getting so very angry ?
Just educate youself. I have worked with victims/survivors and suicides
from this. So I know what I am talking about. I can't enjoy the forum
anymore cause I never know when this will be endlessly thrown in my face

I know you have to fight it too. But you MUST be sensitive to those hurt by this.

All I can say for now.

I don't despise you. I am just hurting a lot and that means anger.

I will stay away from the forum from now cause the triggers are too many and too often.

I can't advise and support anymore and by all accounts I was doing a decent job.

GOD bless you !

The comment that has sparked this was an (accurate) report of a conversation I'd had with a friend who had told me he'd always had an ambition to bed 'a man of the cloth' I said that was weird and creepy, and he then told me he's actually fulfilled that wish!

He was also an atheist like myself while the other guy had with ecclesiastical ambitions - and it was a very good relationship as far as I learnt - but the man's faith and sexuality were (predictably) permanently at odds. It didn't work out. And his (my fiends) comment to me then
was: "just what the catholic church needs another self-hating repressed gay guy."

So my weird and creepy comment wasn't anything about the church and abuse, it was rather a comment on my friend's...choice of demographic.

I've probably no hope of convincing my inbox abuser with that, I mean what'd be the point?

But I was wondering of enlightened minds of A|N - how would you handle this?

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Comment by Wes Bonez on August 2, 2010 at 1:50am
Was it Harris that said 'People do not have the right to not be offended'. While there are a set of rules for polite discussions, you have the right to say what is on your mind. If they choose to get offended, that is an emotional response and their problem.

On a side note about the Irish arse in your inbox: does VenomFangX have a brother from another mother?
Comment by Richard Healy on August 2, 2010 at 1:17am
We've been having an intermittent dialogue, he seems to feel that if I am critical of religion in public at all that's raking over the coals of church abuse.

The actual comment that started this latest round of abuse, was the following:

Someone posted a magazine article about gay priests in Rome.

2nd post said - I know where I am going on holiday next then.

to which I replied.

I knew a guy who said he always fancied bedding a man of the cloth. I told him that was weird and creepy. He just laughed.

My comment is in fact entirely unrelated to church abuse as I stand accused, it was an accurate report of a conversation I had with with a friend who not only wanted to date a priest but did so successfully, I didn't mention that in the forum.

I don't think the guy in question was a priest rather in fact had ecclesiastical ambitions - and it was a very good relationship as far as I know - but the man's faith and sexuality were (predictably) permanently at odds. It didn't work out. And his (my friend's) comment to me then was: "just what the catholic church needs another self-hating repressed gay guy."

Okay so that's the context on my end of the comment in italics I relayed in the forum as a bit of light hearted whimsy.

A few days later he posts a reply to me:

And so are you. What's problem you bigot ?!

And a minute or so later, I get the private messages which were the subject of this blog.'

So I hadn't even gone near an issue of church abuse, at all and this is the evidence for the hair-trigger effect with him. Clearly he read the forum after it had been started, it's called somethign like 98% of Priests are gay (a ridiculous statistic but that's the news story) so he's chosen to expose himself to a topic about religion which he apparently feels upset about, and has then exploded about an issue which I wasn't even talking about.

I think a call for help is about accurate, a dialogue - ordinarily yes but this was the debate about refer to the mods or not it is no longer a debate in which I am the sole participant - and if you've got any suggestions on how I talk my way out of this one: I am all ears.
Comment by Richard Healy on August 2, 2010 at 12:58am
So I have now referred it upwards and made the mods of that site aware of the emails but I caveatted it with some cautionary sympathy things. I don't (in spite of the taunt) want to ban someone from anywhere, but I think it's clear this has passed beyond the normal bounds of a disagreement so the more people who are involved now the better (a bit like blackmail the power exists if you preserve the relationship)

It's not only me he's targeted recently, so this lashing out is getting worse (the context of that, muggins was involved again discussing religious belief in an anthropological vein of 'metamagical thinking' I think, I can't be certain but later he was railing about being accused of 'believing in magic' which isn't the same thing but oh well.)

I think, it's not clear, if he was abused or that the abuse he has experienced happened to other people i.e some scenario like a close friend who then killed themselves. It's something like that I think. PTSD might not be that far off, he's inconsistently depressive, attention-seeking, reputation as a madcap joker (probably as a public compensation) and I'm discovering a hair-trigger sensitivity to anyone mentioning religion. (One of my other recent blogs was about my apparent insult to the dead - no prizes for guessing who was accusing me then too?)

As my fellow (metamagical) accusee said to me yesterday, it's a wonder if that's even slightly close to accurate, why he isn't more hostile to the church, but I suspect this isn't supposed to make a lick of sense so why fight it?

IKAB, is an abbreviated title of a forum I started, mostly just for me to ramble on, it's gone on to become one of the most heavily commented and popular threads on the site (64164 views 3479 posts) where I occasionally still drop in to mini-blog what's going on with me. So it's not even my soapbox anymore! not that it ever was, a fact that appears to have escaped him entirely.

,: ^ \

I do think he probably needs help of some shape or form. In recent days he's posted a number of threads that are garbled, barely comprehendable, ('metamagic' speculated to me he might have been drunk when he wrote them. I really don't know.)
Comment by Renshia on August 2, 2010 at 12:52am
Maybe the guy is really hurting and looking for an avenue to express himself. Often lashing out is a call for help. Write the guy back and enter a dialog with him. Be gentile and you can help him address his anger. Often people hang onto thing because they don't know there are better options. Maybe you could be the caring person that listens without judgment and condemnation.

Then again it may just be a waste of time... But would it hurt to try?
Comment by Jim DePaulo on August 1, 2010 at 9:46pm
The guy has some seriously screwed up neuro-connections and probably should be getting counseling rather than giving counsel.
If this were my problem I would just ignore him. Although poking a loon with a stick can be amusing if you're in that mood.
Comment by Daniel on August 1, 2010 at 9:43pm
>>soapbox IKAB and atheism

What is IKAB?
Comment by Prog Rock Girl on August 1, 2010 at 8:11pm
The first message was so screwed up. He's hoping you'll keep it a secret, saying how much you'd hurt him, and then also insulting you and saying he's going to be after you every chance he gets? If I got a message like that I'd be glad that he was "deeply hurt" by things that I said! But that's just me.
Comment by Daniel on August 1, 2010 at 7:55pm
Depends on your mood, smartly step up the rhetoric, push the right buttons and let him reveal himself to everyone so he doesn't have a residual 'martyr' defense or just: ignore him / junk email filter / request forum ban.
Comment by Grace Fitzpatrick on August 1, 2010 at 10:27am
Report and get the guy banned. Why should you have to give up a site that you enjoy because of someone else's mental problems? Can you block his comments to you on the site so you don't have to see them? Can you block him from sending you PMs? The guy sounds very mentally unstable. I would not respond to him in any way. I guess not only women are affected to psycho stalkers. I have two words for this guy "seek help". Good luck with this situation!

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