Compulsive liars are interesting in my opinion. They can't help it, it's second nature to them. Normally, this is caused by lack of attention in early childhood. Weather you ask them if they brushed their teeth this morning or if they stole money from you, they'll lie to you just because they can't help it. Calling them out on a lie provokes defensive and maybe even hostile responses from him or her.

I've fallen in love with a compulsive liar, but I don't want to.

I knew her before, but we were never really friends. She was an exile, who hardly had frineds. She was classified by my peers as "Wierd" or "A freak" or "Crazy" and even "an animal". I decided to talk to her, and I think that was one of the largest mistakes I've made in my young life so far. We became close friends after a good long few months of talking. Our feelings grew stronger over time, and I eventually confessed my feelings for her. I don't remember being any happier than I was then. We both related to each other so much, I found her lies amusing in a way, but I knew when to tell her about herself. I suppose I fooled myself into thinking that I could get her out of her habit when I had enough of an influance on her.

One day, she seemed depressed, and I kept asking her what was wrong. She would give me a fake smile and say everything was okay, but we both knew she wasn't fooling anyone. After a few days, I heard from a friend that she was thinking of breaking up with me. I had expected it. I was thinking that our relationship was just one big lie to her, nothing special. She was just pretending.

The tables turned after that. It was I who was depressed, and she who was happy. Our school had a field trip that I didn't feel like going on, but she went. The next few weeks, one of my close friends told me that she had been cheating on me ever since the trip. I confronted her, and she asked to speak with my friend in private. She scolded him for telling me.

It was then that I knew that she couldn't be saved. She was a liar, and a bad one. After speaking to her about the incident, all she said was "...sorry."

I then ended it, but she didn't feel all that bad. Things like this must have happened often.

I didn't want anything to do with her anymore, but I kept pondering what would motivate her to lie like she does. It was then that I was struck with a realization. Compulsive lying is normally started due to lack of attention as a child.

When we were going out, she had told me that she was adopted. Normally, I wouldn't believe her, but talking to her close friends and parents alike confirmed it. She was adopted, and had met her birth mother recently. She was going through a lot. I didn't excuse what she did, though, but I still wanted to help her.

We had agreed to stay only friends.

But after all of this, I tried to ignore her as much as possible. She must have noticed this, because she started avoiding me too. After thinking, I decided to tell her that she was a liar becasue she's been self sabotaging herself since she was little. someone showing affection towards her seemed odd to her, and she subconsciously thought she didn't diserve it. So, she did what she could to end it. After telling her, she agreed with me, and said that she wanted to work on it. But every time I tried to talk to her about it after the conversation, she would dismiss it. She was lying again.

I haven't talked to her since, but I still see her around. And no matter how much I try and get rid of her, she always makes her way back. No matter how hard I try to get her out of my head, I can't. I think of her at least once a day. I don't like to admit it, but it's true. I still love her, but I don't want to. Life's a bitch.

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Comment by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on March 13, 2009 at 1:12am
P.S. Everyone lies to some extent. Lying is not always bad. In many cases it is entirely appropriate, especially is you don't wish to hurt someone's feelings. In some cases it is even the most moral thing to do. If someone is being chased by a thug with a gun then it is cruel to tell the thug in which direction his quarry ran. People also have a right to privacy. You have no right to expect or require your friends or acquaintenances to tell you the whole truth and only the truth about everything. If you press them to tell you something they do not want to reveal then they are perfectly within their rights to lie or withhold information from you. In this case their lies are an indication that you have not respected their personal space and need for independence.

Lying is only a problem if it is persistent and harmful to others.

It is possible that the problem may lie more with you than her. Could it be that you have mistakenly concluded that her untruths are persistent and harmful when they are actually the result of trying to be kind to others? Could it be that you are being rude to her by pushing into her personal or private space? Have you considered that it might be kind of you to lie to her in some instances?
Comment by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on March 13, 2009 at 12:54am
Normally compulsive lying is not caused by lack of attention during childhood. It can be caused entirely by genetic conditions (you are born with it). Some kids who have high functioning autism (Asperger's Syndrome) will tell lies because they have problems learning appropriate social skills. Others have a severe personality disorder. There are some kids who have this problem due to a combination of genetic factors and environmental factors such as being sexually or physically abused in early childhood.

In all cases, confronting someone about it is likely to cause nothing but harm, especially to you. Leave that kind of thing to the professionals who have been trained when, how and if to do this.



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