I'm so worried my life is coming apart. In April, 2012 I admitted to be an atheist to myself. I have come to accept the fact that life without religion is the best possible option. 

I have a very religious fiance who will be migrating to the state to join me. She's too religious to even consider a conversation about her beliefs. I understand her, I used to be a zealot too. I love her, but I don't think our relationship will be any better because of her religious beliefs.

Once upon a time, I brought up the topic of atheism and its validity. Well, she shot it down so fast I haven't been able to bring it up. 

I want to end the relationship so that I can move on. What should I do.

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Comment by Regina M on October 1, 2012 at 1:24pm

Good luck, Gene. I hope things work out ok for you!

Comment by Gene on September 27, 2012 at 10:33pm

Regina, thank you very much. I'm comfortable with a partner being religious, but my partner sees unbelief as a grave sin, these sinners should be shunned. I don't have to prolong the relationship under any false pretext.


Comment by Regina M on September 26, 2012 at 12:56pm

There are some marriages that can survive, even thrive, when the couple has a difference of opinion on matters such as this. I think you need to decide if you a) are the sort of person who is ok with your partner being religious, b) think that she is the sort of person who's ok with you being atheist, and c) want to be in that sort of relationship. If any of those are no, then you do indeed need to end the relationship.

So, how to end a relationship? Rip the band-aide off quickly. Don't prolong the agony for either of you, especially since she's planning a big move. You owe her honesty and immediacy when it comes to this decision. The longer you lead her on towards a false future, the worse it will be. If you need to write it all down to get your thoughts together, do so. Do not (if you want to respect yourself in the morning) send her a break-up email (I've been on the receiving end of one of these, in a long-term relationship. I still harbor ill-will towards the cowardly idiot). Or, even worse, a break-up text.

You can do it. Do it with grace and compassion. But do it quickly, before it's too late.



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