What the hell, I have nothing better to do today than speak my mind a bit.  I really haven't written anything at all anywhere in a very  long time.  So here goes...

The biggest problem with humans is that they're so godlessdamned chicken shit.  I mean really.  When human kind learned to think the first thing he did was recognize danger and he ran like hell.  And people are still running.  And hiding.  It drives me nuts.  This is the real reason I just quit and don't really give two shits for the human race anymore.  I'm sick of cowards.

Bravado and bullshit have replaced true courage in this world; especially in this country.  John Wayne sure is dead.  Men are pussies and women are pissed.  The generations coming up have zero roll models to guide them.  It's very, very sad, and I just don't want to watch the weenie-ification of America.  

OK, so my words open up a huge can of worms that could take a day or two of writing to unravel but I said all that to say this: people are too damned scared to face up to the realities right in front of their face.  I'm talking to myself, now.  Religious belief gripped me so hard that I clung to myths for far, far too long.  The thought of a godless universe scared the shit out of me.  It was one of the very few things I've ever been afraid of.  (OK, I am claustrophobic but that's a whole other subject.)  My fellow religious people used to piss me off because even though they claimed to have all these strong beliefs they would not get off their ass and stick their neck out for them.  I did.  And man did I get my head whacked over and over.  Nobody likes a fanatic, right?  And nobody likes to see someone else with more courage than they have.

The time came, though.  The day arrived when I had to look back at my life, my beliefs, etc., and admit it had all been crap.  Just bullshit.  I saw how I'd learned the art of rationalization extremely well.  And to think I'd always been one to say I believed in one thing: truth.  Well, shit, when I actually looked Truth in the face my gut exploded.  I had an epiphany: "holy shit, there really isn't any god!"  And fear gripped me like never before.  But I faced that motherfucker and shoved right through it.  And here I am.

Most people never, ever have the guts to look into the face of Truth, much less admit it is what it is.  And that's why religion works so well.  Sheeple have chicken hearts.

Of course the results is that they become bullies.  Bullies are cowards with big fists.  And bullies must have victims.  And what better victims than those evil atheists?  So we live out in the hinterland, often alone and isolated.  But this is where I piss off more people today.  Way too damn many people who have become comfortable with being atheists in a world of theist nutcases choose to keep their mouth shut rather than face the ridicule that comes with being honest.

When I was an xtian, there was a story passed around about a guy who "got saved."  He was all full of joy and happiness and all that bullshit.  But then he had a problem.  Every year he and his wild buddies would go on a hedonistic weekend.  And that trip was coming up.  The guy was married, of course.  She was an xtian convert too.  So she asked him what he would do about that weekend.  He said he did not know, he'd figure it out.  Well, the trip came, he went, and came back all sunburned and happy.  His wife was puzzled, thinking  he'd be picked on and heckled by his wild friends for becoming religious.  She asked what happened when they found out he was now an xtian.  He said, "they never knew."  Coward.  The flip side of this story is where atheists do the same thing when among xtians, or religious people of any stripe.  It's just too fucking easy, and so much safer, to go on along to get on along.  Coward.

OK, so I'm not saying it would be advisable to get up in friends/workers faces and say, "Hey, I'm an atheist now so fuck you and  your god!"  That's just being a jackass.  But we have the right NOT to believe bullshit.  And we have a right to be accepted no matter what.  If closet atheists would simply and sometimes subtly stand up for their rights and admit who they are the cause would go so much further. 

So yeah, I can talk, I don't have any friends at all (discounting Facebook 'friends' of course. ugh.)  No, no friends at all.  And my family has already written me off.  But the thing is, one of the reasons I  AM so isolated is because too many atheists are cowards.  Atheists are like Wack-a-mole pins.  We pop up singly here and there so it's easy to knock us down.  If a fraction of those who "just don't believe anymore" would face their fear and just admit it to themselves and others the stigma would start to go away and more people would give religion up.  They would because not only are they cowards but they are sheep, as I said.  Give them a little herd to bunch up with and they'll start gathering around.

Damn, look what I wrote.  Amazing.  ...so, anyway, hell... I hate being so isolated and alone.  I hate knowing that the minute I am me and admit I'm an atheist, or even a "non-religious person" or whatever, I cut the chords.  I get really fucking lonely sometimes.  But when I search online for friends the one wall that separates me from almost everyone else is religion.  That's a damn shame.  And it's why I so much want to see people who really don't believe start admitting it and checking "non-religious" rather than automatically clicking "christian" just for convenience.  And it's why I want to see people who know they're atheists fucking admit it, check "atheist" instead of "non-religious."  Then I won't be a Wack-a-mole anymore.  Besides, I have enough damn headaches as it is.

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Comment by Luara on January 26, 2014 at 6:42am

I have struggled for decades, with the consequences of my childhood and with illness. I just keep on fighting. 

I doubt it is actually hopeless for you.  One thing you might try is a gluten/dairy free diet.  Gluten can cause both depression and muscle tension.  I'm not sure if the muscle tension is only in people who actually have celiac disease, but for me, it disappeared once I stopped eating some foods, including gluten and dairy.  I used to sit for hours in hot baths to try to relax my muscles, but I have no need for baths anymore.  I mean as opposed to showers :)  I don't know how long it takes for a gluten/dairy free diet to help if it does - for me the effect was very quick. 

One should always get a blood test for celiac disease before trying a gluten-free diet - because the celiac tests need to be done while one is eating a gluten-full diet, and gluten may cause bad reactions after being on a gluten-free diet. 

Comment by Ted Gresham on January 24, 2014 at 5:19pm

Hope is good, I guess.  I  have none.  It's been a long hard few years, with my illness getting worse and no hope of that getting better.  And being isolated and alone and little hope of that changing any time soon.  Things are what they are.  I guess maybe I do have a teensy bit of hope, though, that things will be better when I get disability.  At least I'll have some money to get out of here, take trips, maybe even move. Who knows.  Gotta get out of this place, the walls are closing in.

Comment by Luara on January 24, 2014 at 5:02pm

One has to have a sense of hope, to give up an old bargain that Reality cheated on.  The sad thing is, I suspect some of the people I know who rationalize all over the place, don't have a sense of hope.

there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophies

Well there are :) and that even gives hope. 

Comment by Ted Gresham on January 24, 2014 at 4:44pm

I guess you could put it that way, Luara.  Such is life.  Now I'm a touch it, feel it, see it or don't believe it entirely. That doesn't mean I don't speculate a lot and rely on research and stuff.  I have my head in the clouds and believe, as Hamlet said, "there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophies." something like that.  Not supernatural, just so far unknown.

Comment by Luara on January 24, 2014 at 4:28pm


It sounds like you had made a "contract" with reality, a bargain and it turned out that reality didn't carry out its side of the deal? 

Comment by Ted Gresham on January 24, 2014 at 4:17pm

Dennis, that flatulent joke was in response to your note.  I just forgot to hit add comment. lol

Luara, The thing with me is that I must, always, look at things as rational as possible and see what is real and what is not.  I left a lot of the story out of my post that led to my epiphany.  My about face came after an effort to build a Foster Care center came crashing down around my ears because of a crooked bitch who we'd brought in as a fund raising person and a dozen "fine upstanding Christians" who were board members until her empty and idiotic threats (because I cut her loose) caused them to run like chickens.  They all quit.  I had no board!  And I had come to believe maybe 'god' was in this effort, finally.  So I looked back and saw all the crash and burns in my life, all the rationalized unanswered prayers, etc., and said to myself, "I've been a fucking idiot."  Well, something like that.

So that's how I made the turn.  We had a chance to actually save the lives of hundreds of kids through the proposed center, which my wife and I'd poured all our dough for almost a year and I'd worked non-stop trying to get going, and these fuckheads just dump it.  I hated every one of them for that and the bitch I hated even more.  The experience tore my insides out like nothing ever has.  

I think, sooner or later, I'd have tossed religion anyway but not in such a dramatic fashion as I did.  The wounds of that hurt (happened 2004) will never heal.  But I am eternally glad of the result in regard to my growing a brain and becoming an atheist.

Comment by Ted Gresham on January 24, 2014 at 4:05pm

Ha.  Flatulent Attitudes. lol  

Comment by Luara on January 24, 2014 at 3:30pm

 The day arrived when I had to look back at my life, my beliefs, etc., and admit it had all been crap.

I saw how I'd learned the art of rationalization extremely well.

How does that happen? What leads up to it?

There are so many people who "know the art of rationalization extremely well".  But admitting it was all crap - that's unusual. 

I believe in truth too.  And truth doesn't have to accommodate people. 

Comment by Michael Penn on January 24, 2014 at 3:13pm

That's a good post, but I always thought intestinal fortitude had something to do with gas until I was in my late teens. I was embarassed when people used that term.

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