This section is gonna focus on a quintessential aspect of British culture but one that strangely but completely shares the same principles and creates the exact same negative sociological effects as…well, i’ll get to that later, but this blog is all about that Great British Icon…The Sun…that’s the newspaper, not the really hot planet…just so you know…good.

The Sun is quite an enigma really. It has the highest circulation of any Daily English language newspaper in the world. It has roughly 3.1 million copies sold nationwide everyday an estimated daily readers figire of 7.8 million. That’s twice as many as it’s nearest competitor The Times (don’t worry though, Rupert Murdoch owns that paper too).

Yet for some reason, which no one can explain, if you ask anyone at any point throughout the course of the day what they think of The Sun…I bet most if not all of the replies you get are all negative, questioning the validity of the stories it prints and doubting that it is a reliable source of fact based journalism. I’m 28 years old and I have never met a single person from any lifestyle, class or cultural background who believes The Sun to be a great paper…

So where are any of this 3.1M people who are buying The Sun?

Who makes up the 7.8M reading it?

The answer is simple…It’s all of us, you, me and everyone you speak to throughout the day. The same people who think The Sun is a pile of old shite are the same people buying and reading it…I should know, I hate The Sun and I read/buy it every single day of my life…I also buy several other papers too but i’ll never fail to buy The Sun…Why?

It’s the same reason I continue to eat McDonalds food…why is this?… Even though i’ve read many books detailing the exact ingredients of it’s products AND seen many documentaries that expose, not only the questionable nature of the food, but also the unethical and heartless business practices performed by the company, I will still go into a Maccy D’s and eat thier food…much like the way, i’m willing to bet, that YOU go under the golden arches on a regular basis…it’s easier, it’s cheaper, it’s quicker and you know what you’re gonna have and what you’ll be getting instinctively…in other words, McDonalds requires you to do the bare minimum, or even zero, thinking…It’s less effort, it’s no frills, no nonsense eating and it appeals to the “Lazy gene” all us humans have in our DNA…we love doing as little as possible…

For what reasons do we play the Lottery? Endless cash prize for zero effort.

Why do people go on Big Brother? Instant fame that needs no talent.

Why buy a ”weight loss” hypnosis cd? A fit body without exercise.

Why do we continue with all these futile shortcuts though? Hope

None of them work do they? Of course not

How many Lottery winners have thier lives ruined by the cash? Take your pick.

How many big brother contestants end up either looking stupid or demonised by the press? It’s easier to count how many of them don’t.

Have you ever met anyone, who wasn’t either getting paid or Paul Mckenna, who strongly reccomends losing weight via hypnosis? A big fat nothing!

Who here knows exactly what goes into a McDonalds “hamburger”? Maybe not “exactly” but any suggestion other than “beef” is going to be likely.

Can you trust a single word that is printed in The Sun newspaper? No, and that includes the day, year, month and barcode…

…we still buy it though…because The Sun doesn’t ask us to think…or question…or ponder…or make up our own minds…it does everything for you AND has a lovely pair of young girls tits on the 3rd page in…Perfect!

To be honest I wouldn’t mind that being the case if The Sun encouraged you to think lovely thoughts and be happy all the time. But it does exactly the opposite of that…just like every single piece of “news” that has ever been “reported” by any channel or paper which is owned by Rupert Murdoch, the king of right wing propaganda and corrupt media and proof that all those criminals that the British shipped off to austraila all those years ago should have been castrated before they left…If only us Brits weren’t so soft and easy going eh?

I could sit here until the end of time listing the best of the worst of The Sun but that’s not really necessary is it? You don;t need me to convince you that it’s a less than fallable know that already.

You also know that if “The Sun” was a human being it would be a full blown paranoid schitzophreonic with severe ADHD…it would be a millwall firms football hooligan in a nice suit…James Bond’s Looks with Peter Sutcliffe’s mind…Good looking and yet totally unbalanced…A perverse cross between Robbie Williams, Stephen Fry, Amy Winehouse and Dr harold Shipman…ok?

The Sun is like The Bible in many ways. The Bible, like The Sun, is so popular because it appeals to so many people, it does this by being inconsistent and contradicting itself…for example;

It will deliberately choose to print stories that smear and attack a certain race (usually not very white) or religion (mainly Islam) but when a similar story occurs involving “indiginous” people (white and christian) they decide it’s not worth printing…but every couple of months it runs a campaign to ”Stop racist name calling” (This involve their front page perversly printing out every racist slur there is…just so all the bullying kids know exactly what to call that light brown boy in thier class) or they trot out the old “Kick racism out of football” (which is a cause that’s about as worthwhile and likely to succeed as a “Kick all the sand out of Africa campaign”). This means that whenever someone accuses The Sun of racism or prejudice they can just dig up one of these half hearted and pointless campaigns as evidence to the contrary…and they win the argument. this is similar to how The Bible will say “An eye for an eye” but then also preach “Turn the other cheek” or that “You should Love thy neighbour as thyself” unless they take it up the arse because ”A man laying with a man is an abomination”…The Sun, just like the The Bible, preaches hate and fear but contains just enough “love” to cover it’s arse if attacked!

The Sun is, as it’s apologists and employess will brag about ad nauseum, the biggest selling English-language newspaper in the world…The Bible, likewise, is the biggest selling book in the entire world, this is a fact which smug Christians rejoice in telling people like myself, as if to say “See, you can;t argue with the numbers” so i’m not going to, The Bible has sold 1 copy for each person currently on the planet…But when you realise that it was 1st published in 120 AD…you realise that it’s not really that impressive is it?…I mean, considering it’s been available in all good and shit book stores + every hotel room on earth for over 1,800 years now, it should be the 1 seller…it’s had a bit of a head start to be fair!

Not only can the number of sales not be used to prove a products high level of brilliance or credibility, it’s also certainly not a very valid way to guage the taste, morality or intelligence of the people who are buying/reading The Bible…it should at least raise an eyebrow when you consider that the 2nd most sold book of all time is “Quotes from Chairman Mao” who for the historically ignorant is a man responsible for 60 million deaths! Amazingly it’s sold a sixth of The Bibles total sales and has only been on sale for 41 years…3rd biggest seller? The Koran which has the handicap of not having every hotel in the western world being obliged to purchase one per room…5th is The Chinese Dictionary…6th on the list is “The common book of prayer” which like The Bible takes most of it’s sales through mandatory purchases by Churches, The Military and Hospital Chapels…9 is The Book of Mormon by that mental case Joseph Smith Jr…and the final and, in my opinion, most interesting fact regarding the biggest selling books of all time; between 10-20 there are 6, that’s a whopping 6, of the 7 Harry Potter books written by JK Rowling with all 7 books selling a combined total of 475Million+…that’s only 300Million less than the total sales figures of the Koran…Are you still afraid of the Muslims or should we prepare for the Radical Extremists of Harry Potterism?…and to put this argument to bed once and for all you need to ask any boastful Christian why, if the bible has sold so many copies over the world, do the number of atheists now out number every single religion there is in terms of pure numbers? The answer is simple. Ask any committed and intelligent Atheist “Why do you dismiss The Bible and the concept of God?” and they will all give you an answer similar to this one (which is mine)…

”I owe my atheism to The Bible, After reading it myself I realised that no sane person could possibly justify using it in any modern day scnario or claim it to be credible as a guide ofr teaching morality and compassion”

This is also true of The Sun. The people who hate it and despise everything it does are the people who know it best, the same way Atheists know more about religion than the religious people do. The truly ignorant and brainwashed nutters will be a % of the 3.1million daily buyers of The Sun, the more sceptical and intelligent people will be virtually all of the 4.8million who read The Sun but don;t buy it.

This is a rather long blog so i’ll wrap it up for the time being (i’m not done completely though). In every way that there is and from every angle and perspective that you could take The Sun newspaper is Identical to The Bible, it tells stories that aren;t true, it tells lies and promotes hatred and bigotry, it preys on the ignorant and the weak, it promises it’s followers prizes beyond thier dreams, It blames everyone but YOU, it’s early pages feature naked people (Adam n Eve at the start of the bible vs Page 3 in the sun), It tells you about the end of the world, it hates gays, women and palestinians, they require you to think as little as possible and offer all the answers you need…

…and, the most amazing similarity, is that The Bible has only one character, in Jesus, that is a shining light to us all, and so to does The Sun…in Jeremy Clarkson…Think about it!…Jesus was one part of the holy trinity, Jezza is one part of the Top Gear Trio…Jesus said contraversial things, Jezza does the exactly same, Christ was Crucified and If certain people had thier way so to would Clarkson…they even both have the same initials as each other JC…End of discussion!

“Forgive them Hamster, May knows not what he’ll do”

The Messiah Jeremy Clarkson in The Gospel of St Stig Chapter M5: V 12.

All the best from His Holiness The IrRevrand Richard O’Coughlan.

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Comment by Nate on February 22, 2009 at 8:15am
Nice exposition on the passion for mediocrity that permeates our society. BTW, you're such a DICK! :)
Comment by WizardJim on February 22, 2009 at 1:44am
I think the fact that The Sun has an estimated required reading age of 8 doesn't help.

Great blog post, if this were youtube I'd favourite it.

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