It's Either "One Nation Under God" Or Bite My Ass And Leave

Humanity can be so obstinate when it finds a cause to support. I deal with this stubborn natured characteristic all the time whenever I discuss politics, religion, or economics with the locals in my current home town. In particular, my next door neighbor Chuck epitomizes the title of this article in the very literal sense. Yes, this man has said to me “bite my ass and leave” when discussing healthcare and socialism, secularism, and anything involving guns and the American flag.

To put Chuck in perspective for you, he’s a very young 77 years old. Extremely hard of hearing, so conversations are often shouting matches, and there isn’t even any tension involved. The man simply just can’t hear a goddamn thing he is told unless your voice is at least 30 decibel high, and he shouts so he can hear what he is saying back at you. Chuck served in Vietnam, as well, but he doesn’t talk on it too much and I don’t blame him. And he has a tendency to listen to his favorite AM radio channel at full volume while out on his porch.

Starting at five in the morning.


Ah, Chuck. I tell you, my first interaction with him was an awkward one. I hadn’t ever really talked to the guy in the first two months of living here, so his shouting at me “You can park there. That’s my van in front of you. I just got it back yesterday from the shop.” threw me a little off guard at first. I wasn’t sure if he was passively aggressively hinting that he didn’t like me parked behind his vehicle or what, but I played it off, telling him how I thought that it was great he had his van back from the shop.He just smiled, his huge post cataract surgery sunglasses completely obscuring his eyes from me, so I couldn’t tell if he was being genuine or smirking in aggravation.I went on my way and hoped I hadn’t pissed the guy off. Winter settled in a month later, and I woke up one morning to a weird squawking sound outside my window. At first, I thought my neighbors had an alarm clock going off. After all, it was five in the morning and still dark outside. Nope, it was Chuck in about thirty layers of clothing, sunglasses on, listening to Rush Limbaugh while on his front porch. It quickly dawned on me he wasn’t an angry old bastard. He was just a pistol of a personality. Yeah, I liked this guy. Read more here on my blog The Bluegrass Skeptic...

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Comment by sk8eycat on June 16, 2015 at 7:49pm

Anybody Chuck's age should be able to remember when there was NO undergod in our silly-ass pledge.... and the uproar among schoolteachers when it became official.  Most students, even xians, didn't like it either, but Joe McCarthy was king then, and scared everyone shirtless.

The pledge was supposed to be a one-time thing celebrating Christopher Columbus' disastrous invasion of the West Indies....something many of my ancestors did not appreciate at all.

Comment by Loren Miller on June 16, 2015 at 6:35pm

How about I kick yer ass and leave? [please ... don't tempt me]

Comment by Michael Penn on June 16, 2015 at 6:29pm

The last option is tempting.

Oh, I'm back on track again. Your loveable old neighbor sort of reminds me of my step father. They are about the same age and would get along fine.



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