I'm sorry if this is all rather vague.

Today I am Lain. I am Gulliver. I am a weary traveller in a strange world. I don't understand much and I am tired of hearing the noise of all these voices giving conflicting explanations. Today I don't care about understanding it. I'm tired of trying to defend why I don't believe in magic. In a nutshell it is this: Magic is science we don't understand yet. I forget who said that at a certain point of development, science would be indistinguishable from magic. I don't believe anything that happens in nature was caused by something outside of nature.

If I did have magical powers like in fantasy stories I'd focus my efforts on becoming the greatest healer ever. I'd start by healing people's spirits. I prefer the word 'spirit' to 'soul'. To me, a soul is some ethereal, eternal version of you that floats off to another reality or whatever crazy thing you wanna make up so you don't have to be afraid of dying.

Spirit is a better word to describe the constant shift in individual people's thoughts, actions and personality. A spirit describes the unique patterns of behavior, internal and external, which distinguishes identical twins as independent individuals even though their genetic structure is the same. Spirits are not eternal or literal, but strong spirits can inspire people even after they die.

These are my personal, "According to Tak" definitions.

The way I see it, a lot of us (humans) have injured or broken spirits. Our patterns are disrupted or maybe they get locked and stop shifting. Maybe they shift too fast or the pattern shown on the outside is incompatible with the pattern inside. It could be a combination of things. These injuries and breaks vary by degree and make a huge difference in a person's ability to cope with and defend against other injuries or illnesses, spiritual or physical. I want to fix the damage done to the spirit.

Maybe this is why my teacher told me this semester that she sees me fitting well into psychiatric nursing. I shine in the psychosocial aspects of care. She's one of the most sensible people I know and it makes me inclined to listen to her. All my life I've had people spouting nonsense at me regarding what I should do with myself and finally here is someone who isn't full of balogna giving me advice.

All I know for suresies is this:

In order to do real good in this world, in order to affect real change you have to do more than prevent a disaster. You have to make something good happen; fix the underlying cause that made that disaster possible in the first place.


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