Dear Jesus, I know you will never get this message as you have been in your grave for some time. However, I like to play make-believe and pretend that you are still well and alive and are reading this message. So… How are you? How have you been? What have you been up to? Hey, do you have any influence over what Santa will bring me this Christmas? He hasn’t brought me anything ever since I moved away from my parents. I have been eating your body and blood, is that cool with you? Did you hear my prayers every night? Why didn’t you save billy like I prayed for you to do? Why did you allow all those people in Haiti to die? Are we destroying ourselves and contributing to global warming? Why do you answer everyone else’s prayers but not mine? I’ll send you more if you reply. (Hmm, maybe that’s why?) Please. And I am talking about a real reply, not me talking to myself answering for you.
I expect your reply will be as null and silent as your answers to my prayers are, but hey, it’s expected given your lack of being. If somebody intercepts this message before Jesus gets it, please return to sender. Again.