Letter-to-a-Senator, Feedback Appreciated

So I'm writing a letter-to-a-senator for an essay contest for Periclean Scholars (I am not one) and this is what I've got so far. Feedback would be much appreciated.

Thanks muchly, Rikka


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Comment by Michelle on March 3, 2010 at 8:00pm
I did read it, but have yet to have any great critiques to offer. Have you read other letters of this type that have done well? Have you looked at the senator's website to see how she uses language and if she has any letters or memo's there?
Wish I had more, but you did a great job laying out reasons and making your case with proper documents.



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