Many are Called but Few are Chosen: My Belief -- Yes, Belief -- in Euhemerus

This is essentially a piece I originally wrote in one of my occult fanzines either late 80s or early 90s, when I was still in the thrall of Crowleyanity (also known as Thelema) and began to really wonder why man makes deities in his own image. I consulted many works on mythology and god-making, learning that all religions begin as cults, so it is redundant to call, say, Scientology a cult of Old Mother Hubbard. It's a religion we could even call Hubbardism. I read of an ancient Greek philosopher who apparently saw through The Priesthood's confabulations and wrote A Voyage to Panthaea. There, he claimed to have found temples devoted to Zeus and other deities who spoke to him, telling him the secret behind all cults and religions: their prophet once was a real man who was valued to highly among the people, they awarded him in death with apotheosis. If he were popular enough world wide (it was a small world in biblical times), even someone like Syvester Stallone could be "euhemerized" on passing.

Look at the most commonly obvious one who almost made it: Elvis. Like Jesus, he was seen all over America after his death. Just as some Gnosics believe the "sop" given Jesus at the crucifixion was actually the sort of soporific that the friar gave to Juliet in the Romeo+ story, poor Elvis died of a coronary brought on by prescription and other substances. (It is theorized by one sect that Simon the Cyrean was the one crucified since Jesus, as Arius died protesting, was too celestial to have ever been flesh: the crucifixion was really a fraud. Another sect pointed out that the one who paid for the corpse was a Therapeut from Egypt. This Gnostic sect was famous for its herbal tinctures that could cause a body to completely shut down, running on auto pilot for days, so that an illusion of resurrection might be had. Joseph of Arimathea revived Reb Yeshua following his cruci-fiction.

If Euhemerus is correct, and most of us think he is, it's possible that a Lincoln, Gandhi, or King might be euhemerized at some date uncertain; they're all the subject of myth as it is. Fifteen-minute wonders will not make it. Someone like Paris Hilton will not merit a footnote in an obscure published-not-perished doctoral thesis in sociology in another 20 years. I've picked three, but they're all 19th and 20th century. Besides, I like them for their dedication to the Declaration of Independence (from ossified thinking), their pacifism, and other "good" qualities. Gandhi, I know, was a devoted anti-Tantric and tried to have priceless erotic temple carvings destroyed like he was some Taliban chieftan, he was so prudish. But he also said, "An eye for an eye, soon we will all be blind." And he died for his beliefs. I would rather have Gandhi any day as my god than the cruel, capricious, arbitrary, blood-thirsty, racist, homophobic, genocidal maniac depicted in the bible.

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Comment by James M. Martin on August 29, 2014 at 5:18pm

Bertold Brautigan, in one of his cabalistic essays, as part of an examination of the "three types of atheist," Crowley praised one type, saying atheism was as good a system as any, and one least likely to lead others astray. His "Lectures on Yoga" is a hoot. He almost always wrote tongue in cheek.

Comment by Bertold Brautigan on August 29, 2014 at 1:15pm

Love the Sam Harris quote re: Elvis v. Jesus!

Comment by Bertold Brautigan on August 29, 2014 at 1:10pm

This is interesting in the sense that I've never seen a single indication that the man Jesus (if he existed) ever wanted or intended for  a new religion to be started in his name. The whole shell game is the psychosis of his supposed followers. The only prayer I've ever liked: Jesus, save me from your followers.

James, btw I also went through quite a period of fascination with Crowley, Regardie and similar folks. Liber Legis still seems to me a far superior guide to carving out a meaningful life in our short stint on this planet. An old college bud and I have just recently been discussing how it may successfully reconcile the seemingly mutually exclusive schools of thought in philosophy of mathematics, platonism and formalism.

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