Warning: Spouting, don't read if that annoys you. It usually annoys me, but I couldn't stop myself.
I looked up into the velvety darkness and countless jewels twinkled before my undeserving eyes. In a instant...I gazed into a cluster of
birthed light....and in this moment...it shinned through me...and turned into
wet crystals that shimmered down my face...here in this breathe of time...I
know I shall never forget this moment...where I glimpsed out at the universe
from within...and felt nothing but raw, unsaitable, love for the womb which
gave life to my existence....be it blessed or damned....natural or unnatural...I
am indeed...in love with the glimmering darkness... and I wonder how any
creature that lives within its embrace cannot stare into its bosom and not feel
the same....how frighteningly beautiful....that darkness...how undeserving I
feel to see it....and how afraid I am to lose sight...
I will not be shocked if any would call me strange for this...but when I looked
up tonight, I was moved to tears. Am I alone in my awe? Can any honestly say
they have never felt mystified by it? Do you think we try to ignore the
overwhelming presence....pretend it doesn't really matter...
I wonder if this is how the older men thought. Not surrounded with
television and games and proper shelter...frightened by such a sight...unable
to distract themselves...compelled to try to explain how something so wild, so
unpredictable could be so striking...how inferior they must have felt to
it...how ugly...and with that wildness burning...rumbling and shaking around
them, did that appear to be the reply to their self disgust...
Is this why they wrote that their nature was disgraceful...because they felt
repulsive compared to the dangerous beauty around them? Scared by the threats
shifting the ground...biting..clawing...that fear..
What happened to our fear? Are we all....desensitized to that wildness...did we
turn to lash out at our own wild nature? Is that really why we are so fucked
I am sure any have read this are probably thinking along the lines, "no
man can know"
And I suppose on some level, that is right. That knowledge died with them...but
we are apart of them, aren't we? That information is in us..and it is that what
makes us cry out to the darkness..and that is what makes us give it a
name...and the repression of that fear of it is what separates us and caused us
to show disgust to one another in those names..caused us to kill in those
I'm still kind of young...but those actions makes our species sound
younger...fragile.. I of course will concede I am no philosopher or great
mind...so I am probably wrong....
...but I think admitting that means I've grown up a little...even if the sky
still makes me weep at night.