I went to Catholic school and much to the Church's detriment, it taught me to think critically. As I slowly let go of Catholicism, I began searching to fill void that having a defined religion left. I turned to The Goddess, paganism, and new age. It intrigued me for childish reasons. I enjoyed rituals because I liked playing with stones, candles, oils, bells, apples, colors, etc. Slowly, I realized that it was also not the way. When I let go of that, I clung to agnosticism for years. I understood that the whole concept made no logical sense, but likely due to the strange comfort of an omnipotent parental figure, I couldn't put the idea of a supreme being to rest. Then, Stephen Colbert came t the rescue. In his audio book, "I am American and So Can You," he describes various religions, including atheism and agnosticism. The moment he defined agnostics as, "atheists without balls," a switch flipped on. Although it was a comical moment, it made me realize that I was clinging to an idea that was insane because it was warm and fluffy, not because I believed in it. Salvation!
As many of you know, the initial realization that there is no god often leads to a somber depression. It's almost like the death of a loved one. You had spent your whole life loving god, but you know god is "gone" forever.
After months of moping, I finally was able to breathe in the beauty of knowing this is it. I am FREE!