I went to Catholic school and much to the Church's detriment, it taught me to think critically. As I slowly let go of Catholicism, I began searching to fill void that having a defined religion left. I turned to The Goddess, paganism, and new age. It intrigued me for childish reasons. I enjoyed rituals because I liked playing with stones, candles, oils, bells, apples, colors, etc. Slowly, I realized that it was also not the way. When I let go of that, I clung to agnosticism for years. I understood that the whole concept made no logical sense, but likely due to the strange comfort of an omnipotent parental figure, I couldn't put the idea of a supreme being to rest. Then, Stephen Colbert came t the rescue. In his audio book, "I am American and So Can You," he describes various religions, including atheism and agnosticism. The moment he defined agnostics as, "atheists without balls," a switch flipped on. Although it was a comical moment, it made me realize that I was clinging to an idea that was insane because it was warm and fluffy, not because I believed in it. Salvation!

As many of you know, the initial realization that there is no god often leads to a somber depression. It's almost like the death of a loved one. You had spent your whole life loving god, but you know god is "gone" forever.

After months of moping, I finally was able to breathe in the beauty of knowing this is it. I am FREE!

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Comment by Joseph P on January 16, 2011 at 8:52pm

Oh, you dropped all of that in a blog, I see.  That was kind of trippy, when your page updated as I left the comment ... and the stuff I was commenting on disappeared.


I was kind of lucky on the depression angle, in many ways.  For one thing, I never really believed, even when I was 5 or 6, so I never had to deal with much emotional trauma.  Then, when I did make the final break, after turning 18 and finally being able to put my foot down with my parents about no longer going to mass and such, I was already well equipped for dealing with any depression caused by the social disconnect.  The Bipolar Disorder kicked in when I was 11 or 12, so it was old hat by the time I was 18.

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