What you are about to read is rare, for I am the only man that has been granted the opportunity to interview god. Hold on to your seat.
Greg: God, thank you for giving me the opportunity of being the first person to be able to interview you.
God: Call me Jack.
Greg: Jack? I thought your name was Yahweh....
Jack: No, you thought I didnt even exist.
Greg:haha true. So why did you give me, a non religous person, the chance to interview you?
Jack:Something different. I like to mix it up everyday.
Greg: uhh, don't you have something important you do?
Greg: What do you do then?
Jack: Any thing I want.
Greg:Okay, what did you do yesterday then?
Jack: Let me think......... I woke up, I walked into Angelina and Brads house. I watched them go at it for about 10 minutes. It was crazy, you should have seen it man. He had her pinned up to the wall upside down and, well you get the picture. Then I pulled up my omnipotent lawn chair and watched a few countries wage war over who they think I am. Then I teleported to tijuanna, watched a donkey show, and smoked grass until I passed the fuck out.
Greg: Whoa, So you actually like watching people have sex?
Jack: Some times. Depends on what they look like and how big the penis is..
Greg: ahh, okay. What about the whole smoking weed thing, and watching beastiality. I thought those were wrong to do
Jack: I can smoke weed all I want, why do you think I made it? And yeah, that donkey show was beyond wrong. A person riding a donkey is one thing, but a donkey riding a person...... I just had to see, even though I just saw it the other day.
Greg: yuck. HEY, wait a second. You just pulled up a chair and watched people kill eachother over what they think you want them to do?
Jack: Oh yeah lol It's hillarious how stupid you people are.
Greg: Well what do you want us to do?
Jack: I don't know. Get laid.
Greg: wait a second, you made us but dont even know why? Don't you have a purpose for us?
Jack:I didn't actually "make" you. I just wanted to make earth so I could have some nice beaches to go to. You people have descended from some shit that I saw crawling out of the ocean one day while I was tanning.
Greg: Wait a sec, you don't know how we came to be?
Jack: I know. I just don't care. I'm a little too lazy to destroy every new cell that developes because of the environment that I made. Besides it happens all the time. There are people that care though. I figure if enough of you people are interested, then you can figure it out for yourself.
Greg: But you're GOD, how can you just not care. There are people trying to replace the teaching of evolution in school for intelligent design and creationism because they really think you did those things. Why won't you come out and end that at least just to help us get on the right track and end all this nonsense. I mean people will actually blow themselves up just in the hope of taking out other people who dispute the word of what they think you're telling them.
Jack: No, I'm Jack. God is just some word you things came up with for all of your imaginary friends. And it's miracalously easy not to care. I do it like this ".....................". And why would I come out to put a stop to it, it's part of my entertainment. I love watching how stupid you things are. You're problems are up to you to figure out how to resolve.
Greg: HaHa okay. What happens when we die? Is there a life after death?
Jack: nope, not in the way you mean. It is possible for you to continue your consciousness after your body dies though. It's similar to the matrix concept.Your species will just have it figure that one out though.
Greg: huh? I don't understand
Jack: of course not. But if you did figure it out, by that time it wouldn't even matter because you should have already discovered the cure for death.
Greg: The cure for death? There is a cure for that?! What is it?
Jack: I could tell you, but it would leek out to people who really don't deserve to live because they think they know it all already.
Greg:What did you do before you made Earth?
Jack: You would have to live a lot longer for me to explain that one to you.
Greg:Did you make any other planets that have developed life on them.
Greg: Besides you and some of us, is there more intelligent life out there?
Jack: Yep. One species on planet asvab has surpassed even my intelligence. They bore me now ,and I bore them. All they do is study the universes and shit. Countless others have even reached the stage your species has reached and blown their planet up to smithereens. Thats always the best part. KABOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the reasons for it are hilarious themselves. Imaginary friends and self fullfilling prophecies of incredible destruction always play a role in it. I also love watching people run around and waisting thier entire lives worrying about " The end days" always saying "it's the end of the world" because of wars and prophecies and yada yada yada. All species of your intelligence go through this. Most of them that survive lose the supperstitions before they can blow themselves up and make the destruction prophocies actually happen. I have a bet with Steve the turkoyain for 50 points that you guys are going to put on quite the fireworks display over a piece of shit land everyone fights over because you things are in disagreeance over wich imaginanary friend was the real one and whoever wins gets it. He thinks you things will keep going at this nonsense until an asteroid wipes all of you out or until medical knowlege is forgotten and you catch a new plague.
Greg: Wow, that sucks. So... what did you do before you made the universe?
Jack: Floated around
Greg: Thats it? Why do you exist?
Jack: Why does there have to be a reason?
Greg: I don't know. How did you come into existence? Or have you actually always existed? Like how do you not have a starting point? I just don't see how you could conciously float around for... I don't know how long, and just decide somewhere in your non begining life to make everything.
Jack: duh! Yes I have a starting point. A simple example of explaining how I came into existance would be for you to imagine a tornado in a scrap yard. This tornado Goes all over the place like crazy. It sucks up all these rivets and pieces of metal and just spins and bends, and smashes to gether all this junk scrap randomly. Then once the tornado is gone, TA DA! You now have a brand new Boeing 747.
Jack: But really what happened was there were two other univeres pressing there membranes against this universe, wich was an empty membrane at the time. The pressure was so great that all these atoms just blasted the fuck in here and some of them collided into eachother and exchanged protons, neutrons, and electrons. Which caused some of them to bond with eachother making molecules. It just so happened that each of those molecules were in the right place, at the right time, and here I am. Tee hee
Greg:Seriously? Thats nuts. I guess it would be the only explanaition for you though. How do you know thats what happened.
Jack: I'm Jack, so of course I know.... HAHA I'm just fuckin with yuh. I just came up with that story off the top of my head. I don't know how I got here. I've never been asked that before. Sounds good enough to me though because I really don't give a shit.
Greg: HAHAHA you're awesome. I guess that about raps up any questions I could think to ask you. I don't think any one will believe this interview happened though.
Jack: You never know, you people are pretty fucking stupid . So some one might.
Greg: Amen to that
After the interview we smoked a fat sack of mirracle marijuana and tripped balls to pink floyd while eating the best damn nachos and cheese I have ever eatin in my entire life. After I ran out of stuff to eat, Jack disappeared.
I would like to think he's at the beach, but I really don't know.