My apologies for being late to the RFRA party. I've been busy with work the past couple of weeks. At first, I was disappointed with RFRA passing in Indiana, but after seeing this article on the Church of Cannabis, I am inspired to go back to Christianity. In fact, I'm going to start my own flavor:
Sect of Christian AMerican Owners of Slaves
Though I think I'm going to go with the more pithy acronym, SCAMOS.
Naturally, under the 13th Amendment of the U. S. Constitution, we will not be able to have involuntary slaves. While not immoral according to our ancient text, the Bible, involuntary servitude is still against the law. Which is why our members will only have voluntary slaves. In order to honor the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment, we're even giving women full honors under the voluntary slave program.
My sister is a born again Christian and considers herself a "Spiritual Jew". I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sounds like a progressive idea, so we in SCAMOS will consider all of God's children to be spiritual Jews and thus, after six years of service the voluntary slave will be allowed to go free. The cost of such blanket generosity is that when we kick let them go, we're not giving them anything from our flock or winepress. (Deuteronomy 15:12-18) We can revisit this when the economy gets better.
Since God can never get enough foreskins, all male slaves will have to be circumcised. (Genesis 17:13 & 27) Any female slaves that think this is sexist and want equal treatment are free to mutilate their genitalia as well.
Naturally our slaves will have plenty of rights and protections. If we beat them and they lose an eye or tooth, we'll let them go free. (Exodus 21:26-27) And if a beaten slave were to die within a day or two of being beaten, the owner will surely be punished. (Exodus 21:20-21)
Punished by God,... maybe? We're still hammering out the details on some of this. No doubt SCAMOS will have to work closely with Indiana's state government to determine how to carry out our sincerely held religious beliefs in the least restrictive manner possible.