My apologies for being late to the RFRA party. I've been busy with work the past couple of weeks. At first, I was disappointed with RFRA passing in Indiana, but after seeing this article on the Church of Cannabis, I am inspired to go back to Christianity. In fact, I'm going to start my own flavor:

Sect of Christian AMerican Owners of Slaves

Though I think I'm going to go with the more pithy acronym, SCAMOS.

Naturally, under the 13th Amendment of the U. S. Constitution, we will not be able to have involuntary slaves. While not immoral according to our ancient text, the Bible, involuntary servitude is still against the law. Which is why our members will only have voluntary slaves. In order to honor the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment, we're even giving women full honors under the voluntary slave program.

My sister is a born again Christian and considers herself a "Spiritual Jew". I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sounds like a progressive idea, so we in SCAMOS will consider all of God's children to be spiritual Jews and thus, after six years of service the voluntary slave will be allowed to go free. The cost of such blanket generosity is that when we kick let them go, we're not giving them anything from our flock or winepress. (Deuteronomy 15:12-18) We can revisit this when the economy gets better.

Since God can never get enough foreskins, all male slaves will have to be circumcised. (Genesis 17:13 & 27) Any female slaves that think this is sexist and want equal treatment are free to mutilate their genitalia as well.

Naturally our slaves will have plenty of rights and protections. If we beat them and they lose an eye or tooth, we'll let them go free. (Exodus 21:26-27) And if a beaten slave were to die within a day or two of being beaten, the owner will surely be punished. (Exodus 21:20-21)

Punished by God,... maybe? We're still hammering out the details on some of this. No doubt SCAMOS will have to work closely with Indiana's state government to determine how to carry out our sincerely held religious beliefs in the least restrictive manner possible.

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Comment by Michael Penn on April 13, 2015 at 9:25pm

Thanks for your post, Ryan. That Christian dude in the video is a moron, but they have to think that way in order not to believe that their wonderful god book is just bullshit. They want heaven and living forever so the book must be defended even if you lie outright.

Take also the information that the Bible in American remains the best selling book. OK, we also sell a lot of New Testaments. (I call it the New Pesterment.) There is a reason for this NT sales. We have some believers today that think you can just tear away the Old Testament and trash can it. Then they keep the "all about Jesus" part and try to forget what he said about the law.

Then we also have the ignorant souls who think they actually have the words that Jesus said written in red in their scriptures. How dumb can you be?

Comment by Patrick Brown on April 9, 2015 at 9:38pm

LOL!  CHAOS!  I love it Daniel.  :-D

Thanks for the video Ryan. Gotta love the way people can rationalize this stuff.

Comment by Ryan Shields on April 9, 2015 at 8:10pm

LOL your post reminds me of this youtube video I watched a few days ago: 

Comment by Deidre on April 9, 2015 at 9:28am

The US was indeed founded on 'Christian principles.' lol ^_^ Oh the irony.



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