"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."

- quote by Steven Wright

NY drivers are assholes. It's a fact. You get cut off, tailgated in the middle of a highway, swerving, unnecessary speeding! Once your swear palette gets filled, you turn into a narcissistic impatient driver yourself. It's the nature of the beast. What video games taught me was patience which usually gets me from coming out of my car and go postal on someone, until yesterday...

I was having a terrible day. Worked late, boss gave me crap, lost my social security card, and was pretty itchy from this new outfit I wore. I took a deep breath, and went on to driving. It was the typical NY shit, cutting off, almost got side swiped, but I remained patient. Eventually I arrived near my house, and I saw a parking space right in front of my house! In my mind I was saying "Sweet!" Sometimes in Queens, you go 30 frickin minutes until you find a half decent spot. Once I started to back up and pull in, it was a page right out of Seinfeld....

Seinfeldians remember the episode where George was pulling in, and a guy just swoops in to park, and they both get stuck in between, and start arguing until the night. Everyone in the block took their sides on who's parking spot it was. Common sense tells you that it was George's parking spot, he stopped and pulled in, with his lights on!! The other guy was being an impatient douchebag. Since when do you parallel park going straight in? Unless the parking spot is huge, there is no obvious reason to! And now back to my situation...

This tool swoops right in and half ass parks on the spot I was just pulling in to! Beg in mind he almost hit my car in the back and freaking screeches. I just exploded! I shouted "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??" I got out of my car, slammed my door, and of course I knew it was a teenage douchebag, so I began to chase him and explained my claim. Well, we started to argue and I called him every four letter word in the book and started to make up new four letter words. Reason escaped me for that moment since I wanted him to unpark, so I can claim the spot again. It was right in front of my house!!! I wanted it, so badly! He knew I had full claims to the parking spot and his argument was fairly weak, his last resort: He called me a crazy cunt...

I was furious!! My first instinct was to scratch his car with my keys, but vandalism would've gotten me in a fight, so I went to my next resort: I grabbed his poser hat and threw it to the street. My last words were: "Now that's a crazy cunt!" I went back in my car, slammed the door, (I almost took out my foot doing that) and took me about ten minutes to find a half decent parking spot. I went home took a nice shower and rested for the rest of the day.

Keep in mind, I really don't get angry that often. I'm usually the one who keeps their cool in crazy situations. It's funny, I thought I was going to feel bad about it.... not yet!

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