Oh today really sucked. We got a notice for rent and some utilities for about 900 dollars, and I do not know if we can pay it. I am really getting tired of all this crap; all I want is some stability, some peace of mind but everyday I worry and it gets overwhelming. I thought we could actually pay our bills and have enough money so that I could visit my girlfriend. I do not know now and I really want to see her. She is one of the most amazing persons I have every met. I haven't seen her in about 3 months and this was a very special visit it was our anniversary and her birthday. We probably will be able to pay most of it maybe all but I do not know what we are going to do about food. Probably have to hit up some food pantry even though I loathe the idea of getting help. Months back I did not care to much cause we have done it a couple of times but I want to be able to pay OUR bills with OUR money and buy our own food.
I have hope though I am trying to find a better job. I hope something comes up maybe it will make things a bit more bearable. We will have to see on that but Ohio's job market is shitty and dayton is one of the top ten dying cities in america. I do not live in dayton but near it and it fucks things too here. They closed down the DHL hub, the GM plant and the delphi plant or are in the process of closing them down.
But that of course is not all of it. My dads ex-wife is starting shit. She got custody of my sister who I see maybe twice a month now ( she is my adopted sister so that why it was disputed.) I guess the court is ordering child support but they had agreed on no child support because my sister receives checks for about 600$ a month from the state because she was in foster care and is now adopted. My dads ex has a great job makes great money and is doing fine but I know she will pursue it and that she won't stick to her word. If she actually sticks to her word she would give it back but I doubt it. I Do not know how were going to pay that. I despise her so much though she put my father, my brothers, my sister and myself through but she needs more I guess. My dad's ex is the kind of mother that antagonizes people just to fight with them or in my case to punish me. She would never let anything go and would never admit defeat. If you proved her wrong she would punish you for it or in my dads case storm off like a little child and not talk to him for three days. She has fucked things up for us so much and she wants more, I would of told her what I thought of her at this point if the divorce was finalized but since its not I haven't. Ohio is a mother friendly state when my dad went for a consultation from a lawyer he said that if we proved my dads ex was abusive or using drugs or both he may still lose. I mean she wasn't using drugs but that just shows you how fucked up things are and because of that I have been somewhat nice.
Oh man I really hate things right now but I try to be optimistic hopefully it will pay off....