I am born male that means that I have a normal and complete genitalia of a biologically male Homo Sapien. The eldest and only male son of my father, on my mother’s side. Well, the side of my father has never been really important.
I grew up a Catholic, the Roman and Patriarchal Catholic. The father is the image of authority, while the m‘other’ — the wife — is the subordinate and slave of the father and, to some extent, of the eldest son when he becomes a legitimate member of the patriarchal system. But my father is absent — puff — not seen for 18 long years of my juvenile existence. Thus, the m‘other’ functioned as the father and replaced the patriarch as a severely abusive matriarch.
And the matriarch was born too in the patriarchal system and surely her influence is also patriarchal in perspective. The m‘other’ tried her best to act as the father although exaggerated and almost comical, everything in excess.
Male companions of the m‘other’ were asked to substitute as a father-role-model but failed since as substitute what was created were weak links to the ‘son’. In effect, the father image became just another illusion which eventually became a bliss.
Then came religion. The Roman Catholic was replaced by an even stiffer religion, and I was labeled born-again. I became part of the hard-core bible believing Christians whose religion revolves around the pastoral interpretations of the black book — the infallible Word of God. And changes happen, not fast but it did. It was time for the m‘other’ to become the mother and for the patriarchal church to replace the father. The m‘other’ now plays the subordinate, oppressed role of the mother — affectionate and passive, while the church plays the authoritative and disciplinarian image of the father.
It is time for me to learn the concept ‘man’ and the rulership, stewardship and authority that comes with the word. It was time for me to declare myself to ‘manhood’ and accept the responsibilities that accompanies the declaration.
Finally, I was baptized as a member of the Patriarchal System.
The doctrine of patriarchy: God before man, man before woman, parents before children and elder before the young. The concept of machismo, this time associated to power and authority, was finally imprinted to my soul. And God ordained man to rule over all things that are of this world — nothing can change that, nothing will change that, or so I thought.
The mother is the image of affection and love, while the father is the image of authority, power and discipline. The church sees to it that this doctrine is understood and followed. There is no room for rebellion, there is no room for insubordination — or suffer the fiery pits of hell.
Man will be man, and woman as woman. And man will be above the woman, and the woman to follow man. That is the law of God.
“For Adam was created first before Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and broke God’s law.” I Tim. 2:13,14 (TEV)
And I was attracted to Jon and he was attracted to me. We both share an intimacy that is passionate and beautiful. We were in love and we were both males.
A man is for a woman, a woman for a man. For a man to be with another man is unnatural, immoral and a blasphemy to the very construct of God’s natural creation. To perverse God’s creation is a form of rebellion and rebellion is a sin punishable by eternal damnation.
The patriarch abhors the man who defiles himself to the ways of the woman. I, a patriarch, abhors myself, and yet I am in love.
“…men give up natural sexual relations with women and burn with passion for each other. Men do shameful things with each other, and as a result they bring upon themselves the punishment they deserve for their wrong doings.” Romans 1:27 (TEV)
“Do not practice homosexuality; it is a detestable sin” Leviticus 18:22 (NLT)
“For the wages of sin is death…” Romans 6:23 (NIV)
I knew then that I would burn in hell.
*Jon was my bestfriend, we’ve been together..and we parted..sad..but it’s always a good start of a new adventure.