Ok, I am finally getting around to the best part of my trip. As I mentioned in my last blog on the trip, I got caught behind a major wreck outside of Columbus, Ohio. I didn't end up in Cincinnati until 5am, and I was going to be at the museum when they opened the doors. I slept a few hours and pulled into the museum at 10am. I hope they were prepared for a grumpy atheist because that is exactly what they got.
At 10am, I entered the gates behind two church vans from Kansas, loaded with wide-eyes impressionable children. I had to park in the very back row. The place was packed on a Wednesday after Independence Day and I thought I would have the entire place to myself, but I was wrong. I had to wait in line for a ticket nearly an HOUR!!!! The whole time I had to listen to the craziest Christian propaganda I have ever heard.
I have seen several reviews of the museum that said there were several people scoffing at the exhibits. I didn't see anyone making fun of the place until 3pm. The people I saw were buying the steaming pile they were being offered. I got my ticket and entered wonderland.
The first section of the museum showed the questions that the museum was going to answer. This section was pretty sweet. There were several exhibits of fossils, a replica of the Lucy skeleton and several interesting exhibits. The best part of the CM was the fact that they did show both sides of the argument, science and bullshit.
All of the exhibits that were not finished had catchy little signs that stated, "This space is evolving." One exhibit had a wax recreation of Ken Ham and a paleontologist both digging for bones. The paleontologist was surrounded by science books and charts, while the Ken Ham only had a bible open. Who would you trust? That was the question of the exhibit. I think I know whom I would trust and it was neither Ken Ham nor a paleontologist sitting with Ken Ham.
There was a nice little section that I never got to appreciate. It was a detailed list of all the ways that Christianity has triumphed over science. I went to that section four different times during the day and it was always packed with people reading how they're god has defeated science. I once saw Keanu Reeves defeat the devil, but I would never claim it was fact.
After that came the "holy grail" of idiocy - DINOSAURS on the Ark. They had a nice little replica of the ark being loaded with deer, giraffes, and dinosaurs. I found it interesting that all of the craziest shit was presented in a way that made it hard to photograph. The little dinosaurs were very difficult to photograph because of spotlights shining on the glass case. Please check out my profile to see 100 of my favorite picture, but forgive the photographer. I'm not that good with a camera :o)
The conversations I kept overhearing made the trip totally worth it. It's funny how kids are more logical than their parents. I heard a girl tell her father, "This just doesn't seem right" and he snapped back, "Shut up with all the stupid questions." Heaven forbid that she thinks for herself. I have a feeling we'll be meeting that girl on this site before long. At an exhibit of Methuselah, another teenage girl asked her mother if she believed it. The girl said, "969 years old! That can't happen." Her mom just shot her a look. It was the same look my mom gave me when she caught me sneaking in after a Sepultura concert.
The funniest conversation of the day was between a man and his wife. The wife said, "This is why I'm glad we homeschool. We can pick and choose what we teach. Sometimes I teach them Greek mythology, but they know its nonsense. These theories are just so much more plausible than the earth is billions of years old." I had to walk away before I just burst out laughing. Those poor poor kids!
Kenny Ham did explain how water covered the earth during the flood. If the earth was flattened out, there is enough water to cover the entire planet with a mile and half of water. I know that god created mountains in the beginning, so I guess he went through all of the trouble of flattening out the earth for his flood. Couldn't he have found an easier way to kill everyone? Damn it, there I go thinking again. HA! I just thought of something else. There was an exhibit with the Ark floating on water and the last humans were on top of the mountains getting stalked by tigers. Where the hell did those mountains come from if god flattened the earth? Wow, this is why I waited to write this. Two weeks have gone by and I'm still thinking of things.
I was fascinated to learn how the Grand Canyon was formed rapidly. There was an exhibit showing a canyon that was formed by Mount St. Helens and that was proof that canyon's can form rapidly, rather than over millions of years. Who knew?
I also learned that dinosaurs died out after the flood because all of the plants they ate were destroyed during the flood. Why in the f*ck did god have them saved then? He saved them so they could be pinned in a boat for a year singing Amazing Grace just to starve to death after it was over. That's a sucky-ass god!
The museum also explained how all of the animals fit on the ark. Noah took very young animals so they were small, and he only took the original "kinds." See, the original "kinds" had enough genetic material to quickly evolve into the special we have living on earth today. We could again kill all the animals, save for the "kinds" and they would again evolve into all of the animals that we see. By the way, by only taking the kinds, Noah only had to take 50 or so dinosaurs. I really want to know how they came up with 50!
Next came an exhibit of all the pain that Adam and Eve brought into the world. There were pictures of a starving child, a mushroom cloud, tombstones, a wolf eating another animal, a women in labor, and a dude shooting up heroine - oh! and the nazi's. I always had a feeling that Cain road the white pony to Nod and now I know. They also justified incest, because we'll all related anyway. That was good to know because I have this cousin......... Nevermind!
After that was an exhibit of Adam naming the beasts, and he had a lamb by him that looked terrified. Adam seemed to be giving the little a guy a handy. In fact, all of the animals looked terrified. I was really pissed that they placed all the dinosaurs in a way that made it impossible to get them and Adam in the same picture. Also, all of the dinosaurs were eating plants, because they didn't eat flesh in the garden. HA!
There were several exhibits of different people from the bible, but nothing exciting enough to mention on here.
After that exhibit was one on Atheism. There was a whole section devoted to Charles Templeton turning his back on God. Templeton really must have really pissed off Ham to get a whole section of the museum. The rest of this section was devoted to the decline of religion in the American family. I like this part. A lot of good stats on the decline, except they had several magazines glued to the wall. One was Time with a gay man on the cover. It had been drawn over and the man's eyes had been ripped off. It was extremely disturbing. I started getting a bit pissed so I had to move on. I have included a picture of the cover on my profile for anyone that wants to see how evil these people are.
There was a section devoted to evolution and of course it focused on natural selection. There was just too much craziness here. I heard a man explaining to his son how the different types of dogs are proof of how all the different "kinds" became the species that we see today. Do they not realize that dogs are one species? I hate myself! I'm thinking again!
After the evolution section, I stopped in a little cafe for a drink. This is when the trip became worth all of the trouble. I looked up to see a teenage girl running out of the exhibit with her mouth covered and puke spewing out. I like to think that she just couldn't handle what she was seeing! There is a picture on my profile of the cleanup operation.
After the drink, I was really getting tired of the whole place, so I moved a little faster. I skipped the movie explaining dragons. There was also a children's class being taught and the theme was "Confusion." NO SHIT! My head was hurting. I can only imagine what that place could do to a child. No, I saw what it could do. There was someone's breakfast all over the floor that proved it.
There was a big dinosaur exhibit, but after spending a day at the Natural History Museum, it wasn't very exciting. The only thing I will mention on this is that they had the period each dinosaur lived in and the date of that period. Every period was dated 2348BC - The flood.
I was sick of the place, but I walked through three more times to make sure I had all of the good pictures I wanted. Afterwards, I spent a few hours in the garden. It was amazingly beautiful. It really helped me relax after the museum, except for the random dinosaur here and there. Once I relaxed, I drove back to Arkansas.
And that was my trip to the creation museum. If I think of more, I'll write another blog. I'm sure I missed a lot. Aloha!