You know how some religions try to micromanage your life - like press your head to the ground 45 times a day and eat this not that. You thought a secular lifestyle would liberate you?

Today I had to replace my electric toothbrush. The only models available with circular action are designed for corporate micromanagement of my brushing technique. There are none without such "features".

A helpful on-handle timer stutters every 30 seconds to let you know when it’s time to focus on brushing the next quadrant of your mouth.

I don't brush one quadrant at a time.

... with an in-handle timer to help you brush for a dentist-recommended 2 minutes.

I usually brush abut 3 1/2 minutes total.

You think the "free market" in electric toothbrushes gives you freedom? In North Korea each gender is allowed to choose from one of fifteen approved haircuts.

image source

In the United States, circular-action electric toothbrush users are only allowed to choose from one of one approved techniques to brush their teeth. Monopoly capitalism - one fifteenth as free as the most repressive dictatorship on Earth.

If you crave even more surrender to your Oral B corporate overlord, you can pay $219.99 for Bluetooth connectivity to an app and a SmartGuide.

At least the smart toothbrushes aren't reporting back to headquarters on your moment-to-moment compliance, the way my C-Pap reports to headquarters in Tennessee all night long to monitor every breath, just so they can cut off Medicare reimbursement if I don't follow their rules. Perhaps that toothbrush "feature" will be a 2018 upgrade.

Twenty years ago if somebody had predicted that toothbrushes would try to control how you brush your teeth, everyone would have laughed.

image source

Will smart toilets soon tell us how to pee?

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Comment by tom sarbeck on September 21, 2017 at 11:48am
If that's a pic of a queen somewhere, I don't want her managing the guillotine.
Comment by Joan Denoo on September 19, 2017 at 6:45pm

Funny! even as it is really annoying!

I like the photo article, too. 


The queen supplies an excellent response:



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