Recently, while going to my favorite “catch and release” fishing hole I was attacked by a gang of deer. By the time they finished I was barely alive. I suffered lacerations, contusions and a concussion along with extreme embarrassment.

Two weeks later, it happened again except this dangle of deer were extremely violent with puncturing weapons more than 8” long, enough to kill a man.

I’d had enough. I didn’t know if I’d survive another attack from these vicious creatures that attacked from the stealth of the forest. So, I did the natural thing. I bought a gun. Two. First, I purchased a Remington Sendero SF II with the heavy 26-inch barrel outfitted with a Nikon Monarch-7 2.5-10x50mm scope.

First, I purchased a Remington Sendero SF II with the heavy 26-inch barrel outfitted with a Nikon Monarch-7 2.5-10x50mm scope. My first plan was to take out the leaders one by one while I lay in wait for them and blow their brains out at their favorite watering holes. Without their leaders, the gangs would be easy pickings.

I also purchased an AK-47 semi-automatic rifle with a 30 round clip. Deer have been known to attack in waves leaving nothing standing similar to a wildlife scorched earth policy. So, if surrounded, I can take as many of them with me before I go.

Entering the New Year, I have resolved that I will not go into the woods without heavy armament.

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Comment by Joan Denoo on January 16, 2016 at 2:42am

I know I am foolish to want to attract deer to my south feeder, and they do multiply very fast without natural predators. Perhaps, when we get our raised beds planted and fenced and still can't keep them out, I will feel different. 

Daniel, we count the days down with you! A fishing you will go!.

Comment by Donald R Barbera on January 15, 2016 at 8:32pm
Danial that is spot on. Often hunting is used to then out herds. It is not pretty, but it effective. I still don't hunt. Paper is my target. I do clay pigeons too.
Comment by Joan Denoo on January 9, 2016 at 12:52am

Mike, that must have been an exciting confrontation. 

Comment by Michael Penn on January 8, 2016 at 7:10am

In Texas one time doing a service call after dark, a herd of deer came out of the woods and slowly crossed the road in front of my van. The big bucks snorted and came forward towards the van as the rest of them crossed. I sat in my seat amazed at what I saw. Then they were gone just as suddenly as they appeared.

That was right before deer season. You can bet that none of them would be seen at all once the frist shot was fired. Deer are very smart.

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 7, 2016 at 5:05pm

I good! I am not good at satire. It usually turns out maudlin! I can't wait to read your piece, Donald, about guns and a phallic connection. 

I enjoyed your chuckle, Loren. 

Comment by Donald R Barbera on January 7, 2016 at 3:25pm

Joan--LOL--I love it. I plan on writing a serious article concerning guns in the United States including their phallic connection.

Comment by Loren Miller on January 7, 2016 at 3:21pm

Okay, Joan, that was appropriately WEIRD! [chuckle!]

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 7, 2016 at 3:16pm

Donald, I am so glad you included another option:

"Entering the New Year, I have resolved that I will not go into the woods"!

It just makes sense that deer protect their privacy and their right to their land. They can be celebrated for standing up boldly against a man who arms himself only with a fishing pole. Let's encourage a Deer Independence Day where all the deer of the world unite to reclaim what is rightfully theirs. 

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