I've been raised on the thought that women were equal to men. That women deserved to be treated like human beings, because they are. Throughout my sixteen years of existance, I've followed this rule all the time. Despite my kindness, my tendancy to treat women like people, I'm always single. It happens all the time. I just wind up being "friends" with the girl I'm interested in. It doesn't make sense to me. Normally when I tell a girl about my feelings, she either laughs and never speaks to me again, or says that she likes me only as a friend, only to wind up going out with an obnoxious bafoon who doesn't see her as a person, but more like a sex object. I don't get it. Most of the people in my school either can't think for themselves, don't know how to, or don't care to. Nearly every guy there's a jerk, and nearly every woman there acts like a ditsy and dumb broad when in reality she's really smart. I don't see how generally being a kind person isn't an attractive thing. The girls always flock to that one jackass that everyone peretends to be friends with. The guy who's obviously cheating on the girl, but she stays with him anyways. The guy who actually strikes her at times. And I'm sitting there, watching, not able to do anything. Why do women always go for that iconic "bad boy"? To spite their parents? To fill in a hole they've made themselves through their insecurity? It doesn't add up. I know that a girl would be better off with me or someone like me, than some random jackass who's in the relationship just for the sex it offers. Does anybody know why? Becasue I don't.

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Comment by George on February 14, 2009 at 6:12pm
Life is tough at your age! Give it time and you'll have many girl friends, and you will feel good about the way you treated them, and your wife will benefit.
Comment by Tao Jones on February 14, 2009 at 3:01pm
Why do they go for jerks? It's probably some evolutionary shadow of our polygamous past where the alpha male got all the love. The jerkiness is misperceived as confidence and strength. The teens are the time when we all try and sort out complicated emotions and figure out exactly what it is we want out of life and in a mate.

What to do about it?

For starters, it's obviously not true that all the girls go after the jerks. Maybe it's just the girls that you're attracted to? It took me a while before I realized that I was dating (or trying to date) bitches because I was guilty of perceiving their bitchiness as assertiveness. So maybe give that nerdy girl with glasses or that arty girl with paint smeared overalls a second look.

Don't despair, things will change for you in college. For starters, it often takes a while for us guys to grow into our looks and learn how to present ourselves. Also, more women start to realize what they want after having experimented with the jerks. The nerdy and arty girls I told you about grow into their looks and they're the ones who start getting all the attention because they have amazing personalities.

So just spend this time experimenting and trying different things. Explore your personality and see what it is you like about yourself and change what you don't like about yourself. Don't fret too much about not having a girlfriend, that will only drive you crazy -- literally. Besides, you don't just want any old girlfriend, do you? You want the right girl... so....

Be how you would want someone to want you to be. Read that carefully and understand it. Pick 5 traits that your "perfect" girl would want in a man and make sure you have those traits. Chin up, shoulders back and stand up straight -- always.

Relax. So you went out on a date with a beautiful girl and she didn't call you again? Big deal... dude, you just went out on a date with a beautiful girl! Every moment you spend with a beautiful woman is a gift.. a bonus. Appreciate what you do/did have and don't whine about what you don't.

Then again I'm single and 30 so what do I know?
Comment by Blake on February 14, 2009 at 1:05pm
Tbh, for once I can't really relate to what you are talking about here. I personally don't know any girls who are in relationships with horrible guys.. I don't doubt that there are those relationships in the school, but I haven't seen any personally. Most of the girls I know are single or are dating somebody who doesn't seem all that bad.

Then again, I live in Montana. So what do I know?
Comment by Joshua Dolan on February 14, 2009 at 2:08am
Man does this ever sound familiar. Welcome to the club dude. It took a long time to figure it out and basically my conclusion was this: The girls I was interested in and ended up being just friends with after I let them know how I felt were... well, materialistic, self-centered, and thoughtless no matter what their test scores. And they needed to be hurt by those buffoons. I recognized this after I pined, professed, and cried repeatedly over different girls. It wasn't all them though. The thing I recognize now about myself was I certainly was not ready to be dating / in a relationship with anybody if I thought I needed somebody in my life that much. Who would be providing what to whom? I did find the right *woman* (keyword there) eventually after dating a couple completely bat-sh*t crazy psychos. (I'm 28 now and married her after dating her for over 6 years)

You are right about wanting to treat women like human beings and equals. You should absolutely strive for this. But what it took for women to finally get interested in me was knowing when to spill the emotions and be her supportive friend and when to give it to them straight and tell them when I thought they were wrong and why...just like I did/do with my guy friends. If you play the part of one of her girlfriends you will end up being just a friend. If you are hanging out and she tells you something and you think it's stupid say so. Don't be mean but be honest. If she is wants to date the guy who looks like the adolescent version of a wife beater then so be it.
Comment by Jennifer W on February 14, 2009 at 1:43am
A lot of girls love the power struggle of changing a guy or earning his feelings. Lots of jerky guys love to mess w/ girls like that. I say let her earn your feelings. If you really want a girlfriend, don't take "friend" as an acceptable answer, your feelings matter, too. Don't be a jerk, but show her your are a man. You have it in you. Be positive and aggressive.

I was the nerdish chick no one noticed in HS. I was in the special loop of liking nerdish guys.
Comment by Goodie Faithless on February 14, 2009 at 12:27am
Are you good looking? Are the jerks good looking? In high school, I remember that there were very few extremely attractive boys, a huge amount of plain lookers with no social skills, and a few really unattractive guys. The ones I was into were the longhairs because 80s rock was in. All the girls wanted the longhairs. So, it was about being a Rock and Roll fetishist, not about deliberately picking jerks out to date so we could make the nice guys cry.
So, when I was in school, the girls went for guys with a claim to fame like football captain or rock star wannabe. Maybe you just need a gimmick like being in a band, or getting really pretty hair and clothes. Even the most booger picking guys in my high school seemed to do great if they had pretty hair and clothes.
Comment by Herk on February 13, 2009 at 11:40pm
I call it the "bad boy syndrome." The alpha male is perceived as stronger and able to protect the woman and her offspring and of course it usually backfires when he not only beats up others but starts in on her.

On the other hand, I suppose that from a female perspective some guys are just attractive and exciting. Some of us just don't have it.

One nice thing about the internet is that it's an equalizer - you can meet people online without knowing anything but how they present themselves in print. And, possibly, you can find people who are less superficial.



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