First, the worse thing to see when you're getting ready to write a blog entry is a banner for bug killers. Ugh, did they HAVE to use roaches?!
(sorry, I really hate bugs and vermin)
I've been doing a bit of writing today, and a bit of reading. One article(I'm thinking more of an opinion piece) was on "Why Men are Angry". And it got my brain to spinning.I'm 29 and I notice that kids(yes, we are still kids even though some of us have houses and a family...ask our parents)my age are just unhappy. So I wrote about it on my FB and this is what I said(applogies for legnth):
I just finished reading an article which stated "Why are men angry?"(I think that was the perfect name..). Anyway, what I gleaned from it is that despite the fact that feminism kicked down the door and made it where women can demand equality, they tend to get a bit squirrly in the romance department. And men at the same time tend to wet their pants.
But that seems to be a bit of generalization. But as we know, when something is general, it usually has a crumb of truth.
Let me first start it off like this: I am a feminist. I believe women who work just as hard as men deserve the same pay. And if they work harder, the bonus should go to THEM. Makes sense right?
I believe a woman has the power over her own body to chose when and where she's going to be a mother. Or at all. But in that, she also has the responsibility to tel her partner/husband/whatever what it is she wants in that area. Because if she wants to be a mom, she needs to be with someone who actually wants to be a father. No need to sit there and lie to fit what he wants and the same on his side. There should be honesty. Period.
I also believe that despite what I just listed, female children are being socialized to stay within the "norms" of what it means to be a female.
-Don't raise your voice
-Be giving, always
-You are not totally complete until you are married.
-If you put out at anytime before marriage, you are a slut and will get pregnant and die
-Girls don't play with gi joes
-You are only pretty if you are thin, white, and blonde(yup, that still seems to be the standard)
the messages we send go on and on and on.
Meanwhile, guys are being told "You need to be as sensitive as the lead singer of Coldplay, not have an inch of hair on you, not eat meat, and be able to fight off an attacker."
the messages we tell boy children are just as screwy:
-only sissies cry
-boys don't play with dolls(really? what about if they want to be a designer??)
-go play cowboys and indians
-you have to be the predator, the girl is the prey
In America, we are giving a double standard to both men and women, all the while expecting double the benefits. It's insane.
We say that we want women to succeed and do well, but if she does and makes that her focus, we pity her behind her back because she isn't doing what she was created for: popping out kids.
Yet if a guy does it and forgoes kids, it's a novel idea.
A guy loses his temper and begins to cry. The words that we would label him with are appaling.
Yet if a girl does it, she is just being an irrational female. Speaking of irrational female....
You have a woman who is emeshed in the sciences and tends to be pragmatic. She would be labeled cold and unfeeling.
Yet the guy would be labeled as rugged and intelligent.
We praise intelligence and cunning in men and boys, yet praise beauty and kindness in women and girls.
And we wonder why people have mid-life or even quarter-life crises: the expectations are hiked up with no bending room. Yet we as Americans pride ourselves on indivdualism.
Heck, we still socialize girls to believe that marriage is the end all be all with the wedding being her crowning achievement.
She could have won various Newberry awards and even a Nobel peace prize. But she isn't with a guy, or even married. Something is "wrong" with her.
We still even use the term "spinster" to describe various women.
So of course a woman is going to be a bit ambivielant on how to approach a guy. Because let's be honest, Cosmo won't help her. If anything, it's in the business of making American women feel like crap.
Now that I've picked on the girls, let's talk about the boys.
American men have it rough, as I stated before. He's supposed to be romantic, funny, charming, nice, but still have a little bit of bad boy edge to get the girl's attention. Yet he is to also be sensitive.
And let's be honest, a good bit of women want him to be able to have loads of cash to take care of them. One half of them are gold-diggers, but the other half were just raised that way. In fact, both were. The only differences is the second half would work anyway but just think the guy should be the head of the household.
Oh, and let's not forget he has to be hairless and muscular.And carry a purse. His own purse.
Because if he is an artist, that's "edgy and hip" but if he works in computers, he's a "geek, dork, eternal virgin".
If he works with his hands as a day labourer, he's looked over until he goes into his BMW.
But, guys can also marry women half their age or even more than that, and still be thought of as "Sexy".
A woman does it and she's seen as a cradle robber or desperately holding on to the vestiges of her quickly fading youth.
A guy who wants to marry into money is called a giggalo. A girl who does it(depending on where she lives) told it is a solid financial choice.
It goes on and on. Women are being told they have to wear four inch spike heels while climbing the ladder of success and men are being told that they must put on eyeliner to be sexy.
A female buisness owner still has to be "sweet" and "kind" but gets the "bitch" label when she becomes firm.
A male business owner who is sweet is thought of as a pushover.
So basically, what I am saying this all boils down to is this:
The expectations our parents have for us on top of the expectations that we have for ourselves is a heavy load. Add that with what the media pumps into our cranium from morning until night, we have a severe problem that will only get worse.
American men will label all women as "gold diggers" and "sluts" and American women will scratch their heads and wonder who is the hairless creature sleeping by her.
The dominant power structure back in the day was male. It still is, but women are beginning to have a piece of the pie. And in that, it angers some men. Those guys would rather a woman be referred to as "cutey" and not press charges when he pinched their butt. He also probally thinks that the black business owner beside him looks like a chimp in a suit.
Meanwhile, there is a group of women who have eschewed college, jobs, and thinking for the life of a submissive wife. I'm not talking about the BDSM submissive or just someone who is laid back. I am meaning the women who adhere to the quiverfull lifestyle and believe that the outside sources of the world(even education) are corrupting.
They demand their daughters be sober faced and humble, following in their mother's footsteps while the sons are being taught to have their own business(because working for other people is slavery..wtf?) and that women are silly little things that need to be protected always.
And that their daughters or sisters virginity must be guarded at all times, for fear that someone would attempt to sample the milk without buying the cow.
So in that area we have early marriages and lots of kids. But don't ask them to do College grade calculus.
These people would say that the current shift in power is only proof to the anti-christ's returning because women are meant to stay in the home and be the servant there.
How I feel about this? If a woman wants to be a stay at home mom, good on her. But it needs to be her choice. Not just her husband's. She has to have a say.
Anyway, but how do we fix this faux-culture war? By being ourselves. Interesting huh? I know I'm going to irritate people with the "we are all different" thing, but we are.
And we shouldn't be ashamed of what gender we are. Nor should we adhere to a script that doesn't fit us. If you are a traditional person all down the line, don't pretend you are Samantha from Sex in the City.
And if you are a Samantha, does us all a favor and own up to it. You like men. Nothing wrong in that. Just don't accidentally flash us.
And if you are just everywhere, then embrace that too. Life is too fleeting to pretend to be something you aren't.
And there will be those who will label you weird, or immature. Or frigid and stoic.
But just laugh it off, because it just proves that you're breaking their brains. And that my friends, is the greatest gift of all.