Lisa - I read your story today, sent to me by Lillie. You have certainly had to deal with a great deal of tragedy in your life, and your coping skills must be incredible to have struggled through it - I say "through it," but the truth is, you never get through it, but time does dull the pain.
Your courage is certainly admirable. Another site I post on, filled with good people of like mind, is http://www.thinkatheist.com - I hope you'll drop by.
That's a fine introduction you wrote about yourself. Welcome to this world of rationality, truth and peace, where common sense and science lead to freethinking wisdom --- as you know as a non believer and freethinker like us.
We invite you to make good friends by joining the busy group "ORIGINS: Universe, Astronomy, Life, Earth, Humans, Religion, Gods, Atheism, Evolution, Darwin..." with 700 discussion topics and 3500 members.