Hey Christina, you found the right place if you want to connect with openly compassionate people that won't try and comfort you with fairy tales. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a tragedy to lose someone you love, especially a child. I could not imagine what you feel, but I can offer some words of relief.....my way.
I am not into reincarnation or anything, but I believe that the things we are as humans, the simple elements of the universe, return to the universe and the energy we are as living beings becomes a part of the cosmic harmony. I'm not going to tell you any god stories or tell you it is the "will of god", etc...etc... or any other nonsense. All I know is that when we pass, we in some way join the else and become one with the magnificent infinity.
We have no control over the death of others, but we can take in the joy of knowing that they are at peace, they feel no pain or fear and who they were lives forever etched in time.
My most sincere love and sympathy is extended to you....may peace be with you.
I can't possibly understand what you're going through and hope I never have to find out firsthand what hell it must be (I have 18 and 16 year old sons - the loss of either is unimaginable). For what its worth, you and yours have my sincere and deepest sympathies.
I think Kristy has said it perfectly. Keeping alive and passing on to others who and what he was, today and in future, is a wonderful way to find some measure comfort and continue to enjoy life. And BRAVO for starting the Godless Greif group - there really can be strength in numbers, and you given others a place to begin to find their strength again.
Welcome to Atheist Nexus Christina. I'm Kris from Australia. I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I'd like to share with you how our family dealt with my father's death many years ago. We laughed. We remembered him with such joy. We laughed at all the funny things he said and all the silly things he did. If something happened, to which he would have responded with a familiar phrase, we'd repeat it for him.
We say, "Norm would have loved this ...." without any sense of loss now. It's a way of including his memory into present events. We know if he still lived our house would be groaning under the weight of the latest computers, plasma television, x-boxes, wii's, blackberries, and surround sound systems!!!! Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster he didn't live to see the technological age in full flight - we'd be stony broke!
As atheists we don't hold a belief in the hereafter. But our loved ones remain very much 'alive' through our memories. It is our responsibility to keep those memories joyful and not bury them in grief. That way, we can pass on the memory of our lost loved one down the generations as a real, three dimensional, joyous human being - not some dusty faded memory of a life piously grieved. With biggest, warmest hugs, Kris
she is ok...she went through 6 rounds of chemo and a stem cell transplant she finally finished it all and came home thet December but this dec they found another tumor,,,,,so far it hasnt grown so the docs are pretty sure it isnt cancer again but they are keeping a close eye on it with MRIs every 8 weeks
I lost my husband 3 years ago and I can tell you nothing anyone says will really make you feel better, there isnt a majic word but knowing people cared and were there for me to talk to if I needed it was comforting.I understand where you are coming from when people say things like that.My husband had cancer,he was diagnosed 10/05 and passed away 5/06 a month before he passed away our 22 month old was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.I was so sick of people telling me god did things for a reason, that when he closed 1 door he opened another, that he didnt give us more than we could handle becuase that was all BS.I am here for you anytime and I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling.I am deeply grateful to you child for defending us and our country,it seems inpossible now to imagine a time when you wont feel like a walking open wound but it will come,,I dont remember how far out from his passing it was but one day I realized I was able to look back at memories and enjoy them and smile with out crying and that was a wonderful day, I felt like I had gotten a part of him back to be able to enjoy the memories.
First off..let me just say what a brave and strong woman you are. Please don't take that as cliche...I truly mean it. That you are even comprehensive leaves me in awe..I don't know that I would have the strength to survive after losing a child. No parent should ever have to bear witness to such grief. I recently lost my younger son's father to a shotgun accident. His mother is falling apart while trying to hang on. I still have trouble with it. It is very annoying and patronizing when I hear those damn religious platitudes you mentioned--they are not comforting, but ridiculous. Thank you for posting this...and welcome to the nexus!