I have been missing from this community for quite some time.  I had a stroke in April 2011 and was focused on bettering myself for many years. My kids were 3yrs old and 15 months old when it happened. I went seven weeks with only seeing them once.  When I got home, I still had much work to do.  I am just starting to feel "normal" which is really a new normal because I will never feel my old normal again. I am nine years post stroke and I still get nauseated if I over do it, I still get dizzy in certain positions, and I still have some numbness on my right side.

But I hide it well.  I am still a nurse. People that didn't know me before my stroke are amazed when I tell them I had one.  They always say "Wow. You can't tell." and "god must have plans for you." Both of which I find frustrating as hell.  You maybe can't tell, but I can. I worked my ass off (not really since I still have one) to get here. It was very hard work and I feel that my children suffered because I wasn't as present as I could have been, had that incident not happened. God had nothing to do with my recovery. I never once prayed to god or bargained with god. I was an atheist before my stroke and I am even more of an atheist now.  I realized how much insurance played in my recovery. I spent 3 weeks at my local hospital and 4 weeks at the best inpatient rehab in the nation. Had I not had the insurance I did, this wouldn't had happened. And who knows what my recovery would have looked like. Being a nurse before helped me as well. I knew how important rehab was and I knew how important mental health was.

The support that I received from others was great. And those others can say that god directed them to do those helpful things. I am not going to tell them any different. And without the support of others, I don't know how we would have made it.  I just get upset when people basically shrug off all the hard work I have done as well as the hard work my family has done

I wish I had visited this community more during my recovery to help me vent those things.  That really isn't something the general population gets. 

See you around.

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Comment by Joan Denoo on April 28, 2020 at 12:51am

Ambre, your story is a powerful one, and one that others need to hear; non-believers because we benefit by learning of the solid foundation of strength and determination, believers because they benefit by learning those good things come from self-sufficiency. I like Lorasaur's response. 

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on April 18, 2020 at 2:52pm

Welcome back!

Comment by Ambre on April 18, 2020 at 2:17pm

I kind of do Lorasaur but many people that I tell are patients and/or students and I feel that my personal beliefs don't need to seep into a teaching moment.  I feel that nurses should never let their personal beliefs affect their job.  I am an atheist and liberal. The majority of my patients are christian and conservative.  When it comes to that kind of scenario, my beliefs don't matter. I mainly tell people like that because I think it will benefit them when they are contemplating not having rehab. 

And when they say those things, I use it to help them make a positive decision.

Comment by Lorasaur on April 18, 2020 at 2:09pm

You could always tell them those things yourself.  If someone says "You can't tell", then "oh yes, I've worked very hard to get my skills back".  "God must have plans for you", then "my hard work has paid off".  Or whatever. 

Comment by Loren Miller on April 18, 2020 at 1:58pm

I can't imagine that a stroke is any kind of fun at all, and it's great to hear you made it through in one piece.  Welcome back!

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